Fat Me. The Me I hate.
Skinny Me. The Me I love.
I feel like shit today and these pictures are the reason why. I am Fat Me at the moment and I hate it. Even though I got a guy who is into Fat Chicks I’m still down because I know it’s not ME that he’s into he’s just into fat chicks. I hate being fat. And I’m fat most of the time. It’s only when I get really depressed, really anxious or more rarely really determined and exercise that I turn into Skinny Me.
I just find Fat Me disgusting. Fat, sloppy, wobbly, smelly and sweaty. And how I love Skinny Me. Sooo hot, so sexy, so fuckable. When I am Fat Me and look in the mirror at my naked body I just want to throw up. But when I look at Skinny Me I get so excited and so turned on I can wank to orgasm just looking at myself. Hahaha. A peculiar combination of self-loathing and self-worship.
It’s funny and sad how you can be rolling along in a relationship, everything going good and then one little thing can totally fuck it up. One small action or something a guy says and everything is changed. There is no going back it’s changed forever.
Rod did it on Sat night. Small thing but it really got to me and now everything feels different. I usually like it when guys talk dirty during sex and nothing they say usually bothers me. I realise they are excited and say things without thinking. I know I do the same. Sometimes I say really disgusting things and go off like a whore. But Rod said something that cut really deep. Struck at the very core of me.
We were fucking with me standing up, leaning over gripping the window sill. I like it like that. Looking out over the street, watching the traffic and the occasional people walking by three stories below while I’m getting pounded from behind. So that was all good, when Rod decided to fuck me in the ass. I like it in the ass, but not so much with Rod. Rod only knows one style of cucking and that’s as hard and fast as he can and no matter how much I try to get him to take it easy fucking me up the ass he just can’t help it.
Actually the whole thing turned to shit. We were going great. I was loving his cock in and out of my cunt, my cunt was dripping with juice and he was ramming it into me. I was holding onto the window sill for dear life but it was great. Fantastic. He was grabbing my tits, my stomach and occasionally my clit while he fucked me from behind and I was loving all of it.
Then he says “I wanna fuck you up the ass.” and he stops. I hate it when a guy just stops fucking me like that. So I said “OK”. But he was gone for ages looking for the lube and then fucking around doing god knows what. I really lost the moment. I was standing there still leaning on the wondow sill looking out and I could feel my cunt srying up and my mood leaving me the longer he was away. And I wasn’t too happy about he prospect of him ramming his cock up my ass the way he does.
He finally came back and I glanced over my shoulder to see him with his cock in one hand and the bottle of lube in the other and an idiot grin on his face. He looked so happy. I almost told him to fuckin hurry up. He just tried to ram his cock right in despite me telling him every single fucking time to take it easy. Bit at a time. But no he’s got this thing he has to just ram the whole fucking thing in at once. So it started bad.
He was grunting and ramming his cock at me, missing my asshole comnpletely most of the time and I told him to slow down and take it easy. He did so I guided his slippery cock to my asshole and I pushed my ass back firmly but slowly and it went in no problem about a third of the way. Before he could start thrusting I said really loud. “Go slow. Takle it easy.” And he did. For about 10 seconds. He slowly slid it in and then he was off like a fucking madman. It hurt. He didn’t care. Usually I can take it especially if I ma really turned on. But the way he asked me and the way he left me waiting there for so long had totally destroyed my mood.
So he was fucking me up the ass grunting like a pig and just ramming it in deep and hard and fast with no care for how i was feeling. I was so out of it.
Then when he’s really going for it he grabs my thighs and says
”I love fucking your fat ass.”
I froze but he didn’t even notice. My “fat ass?”
I was so demoralized. It just cut really deep. I hate my fat ass. I know it’s fat. It’s fat and disgusting. I am fat and disgusting and I don’t think I can keep going with a guy who love what I hate about myself.
But its so complicated. I really like him. Hes fun to be with, we do things together and I like just hanging out with him. And he’s a good fuck too. I love the way he just goes crazy and fucks me like a madman only not in my ass like that. And I like having a boyfriend while I’m fat. Because normally fat me just stays at home and does nothing. Most guys aren’t interested in Fat Me. Ho, Skinny Me is a different story. Oh yueah. I never have trouble getting a guy when I’m skinny me, boyfriend or just a fuck. But nobody wants or lieks Fat Me. Don’t blame them either.
Its really hard to get a guy whose a good fuck too. Really hard. Rod knows me and knows and understands what I like. He totally gets the cock sucking thing and most guys do not. I love to be the slut when I suck cock. To get on my knees and let them face fuck me until they cum in my mouth and I swallow. Rod got this straight away. That I like to suck his cock when he’s fully dressed. That I like him cumming in my mouth. That I like being on my knees. That I like getting my mouth fucked. In and out. Like a cunt. He gets all that. He just knew the right things to say too. Like “Suck my cock, you slut.” “Suck it, you cunt.” Oh God. That really gets me going. Theres much more too. But thing is he GOT IT.
And he gets cumming on my nipples and my other funny places. The small of my back, in between my ass cheeks, my stomach, my throat. Oh yeah. He gets all that. And the window thing. He gets that I lvoe looking oput the window while I’m getting fucked.
But now after this “fucking your fat ass” thing I just feel a bit flat about him. Sunday I couldn’t fuck him during the day because I was terrified I would see my fat ass and throw up.
But now I’v e lost 3 lbs since i met Rod. And I think I am slowly turning back into Skinny Me and I think I want to be Skinny Me more than I want Rod. I think I NEED to be Skinny Me again and forever.
I know Rod won’t like Skinny Me. He likes my fat too much. It’s like a Fat Fetish. And I am a different person when I’m Skinny Me. I’m more confident, more outgoing, wilder. Oh Yeah. And I fuck a lot more. Yes, Skinny Me is a bit of a slut. It just makes such a huge change to ahve guys pursuing me that I can’t resist. I want them to see how slim and sexy I am what a good fuck I am. How well this skinny body fucks. I get very agressive when I’m skinny. Fat me just gets fucked, but Skinny Me does the fucking. I get on top of guys and pound THEM instead of them pounding me. I push them around and tear their clothes and stick my finger up their ass to make them cum and to show them who’s the boss.
I know Rod wouldn’t like that. He likes to be in control. And he is with Fat Me.
So I dunno.
marycontraire