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Cock Extender

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

Last night I had a pretty fantastic experience. I got over Rod’s “fuck your fat ass” comment putting it down to the heat of the moment and he’s still doing it but I’ve just gotten used to it and there’s no denying I got a fat ass. hahaha But I am still losing weight, so mcuh so that I asked Rod if he would still go for me if I got skinny. Anything without dimples and skin folds is skinny to Rod. He said no he really “digs” me fat, medium or thin. But I dunno. I think he’s got a Fat Fetish or Rubenesque Fetish as he puts it.

Anyway Rod and I have been playing with my toy collection and I always get off when a guy likes to play with them. A lot of guys are threatened by them. Hahaha. Scared they will become redundant.  But Rod likes them.  We both love it when he fucks me in my cunt with a vibrator while he’s fucking me in the ass with his cock. I love that. I just feel so full of cock. Rod pushes his cock int o my ass as he slides the vibrator out of my cunt so his cock is going in as the vibrator is coming out, then the vibrator goes into my cunt as his cock is sliding out of my ass, then he’ll slide them both in together. Oh God.  I get wet just thinking about that.

I love it too when he licks my clit while he fucks me with a dildo. Oh yeah. And sometimes he fucks me in the ass and the cunt with dildos while he’s licking me. I’d love him to fuck me in the ass while he fucks my cunt with a dildo and lick my clit at the same time but he tells me that’s physically impossible. Hahaha

And sometimes he just fucks me with a dildo. On my back, on my hands and knees, on my side, all ways. Sometimes he just fucks my cunt, sometimes my asshole, sometimes both.  He likes me to suck my cunt juice off the dildo after he’s been fucking me with it.  Turns me on too. Rod just stares, gapes, really gets off on it.

Sometimes Rod straddles me facing my feet and sort of leans over and fucks me with a dildo and I reach around him and jerk him off. That always works really well. He loves me jerking him off while he’s dildo fucking me but he always cums very quickly doing that.

Sometimes we do like a 69 with me on top sucking him off while he dildo fucks me. He cums pretty quick doing that too but so do I. And sometimes I fuck myself with a dildo while he jerks off. That’s very hot. Oh yeah. Hahaha I had to take a second and touch my clit thinking of that. I sit back against the wall knees up and apart and fuck myself and he stands in front of me jerking off and cumming on my tits or my face, whatever, wherever. I really like doing that too.

But last night Rod had a surprise for me. A cock extender. What an amazing fucking thing. It’s like a huge condom but much thicker than a condom and it slides over a cock and at the front there’s about 4″ of silicon gel to make his cock about 4″ longer but get this, it’s 3″ thick. 3 fucking inches. Fucking huge. I was like so fucking fascinated by it but I felt I should tell him his cock is big enough but he was so excited about it that he didn’t seem to care about that.

Well, we just looked at it and checked it out for a while and when the time came to actually try it out for some reason we both felt a little embarrassed about it. Dunno why. Rod sort of hesitated about putting it on and there was an awkward moment. Until I said “Well, put it on and let’s see how it looks.

So Rod slid it onto his cock and pulled and stretched it until it was fitting nice and tight and then he stood back and said “whatya think?” I thought “fuck me, that looks fucking HUGE” and I wondered if it would even fit in me. Then I wished we had fucked a little first to limber up my cunt. But I was dripping wet. I always get wet when we try something new. Especially something different like this.

Rod’s cock is about 6 – 6 1/2″ long pretty average but it normally stands right up, like points slightly upwards when erect. With this thing on, the weight of it was dragging his cock down so it was pointing slightly downwards instead of up. Oh God, he looked so fucking GOOD though wiht this massive cock sticking out in front of him and the more I looked at it the more I wanted it IN ME.

I lay back on the bed, spread my legs wide apart and said “Fuck me, fuck me with your monster cock.” Rod stood at the side of the bed and pulled me towards him till my ass was right on the edge of the bed. I raised my legs up and spread them wide, bending my knees slightly.

It felt so huge when he pressed it against my cunt, big, blunt and way to big to go in my tight little cunt hole. He pressed and pressed and I wriggled my ass from side to side and thrust my pelvis forward onto it. We struggled like that for a while, Rod pressing forward, me wriggling from side to side and pushing forward and I slowly but surely felt it start to go in. I felt it pushing my cunt hole open, felt my cunt hole stretching, felt it’s blunt thickness change from pressure on the outside of my cunt to an outwards radiating pressure on the inside of my cunt.

It went in slowly and I sat up trying to get a look. It looked impossible. I wondered why they made it so thick. 2″ woulda been more than enough but getting a three inch thick cock in you really was a battle. He got the head in, it was a head just like a real cock, and then started slowly fucking me with just the head which is actually about half of the extra four inches. I knew it was OK the moment the stretching sensation stopped and was replaced by a FULL feeling in my cunt. I felt so FULL of cock.

He fucked me with just the 4 inch extension bit and i’ve fucked guys with big cocks before but none of them were 3 ” thick. This felt really new. I’ve seen those massive dildos but always thought they’d be more pain than pleasure. This was OK. A little bit uncomfortable but such a fucking turn on. I sat up and craned my neck and watched it going in and out fo my cunt. It looked so fucking HUGE. In, out, in out, just the extension. Oh yeah. After a few minutes it just felt GREAT. No pain, no discomfort. I loved the idea of this massive cock thing fucking me, the idea of Rod fucking me with a massive cock.

He fucked me with just the extension for a while then I told him to give it all to me. I told him to shove the whole thing in. He did. Fuck me. What a feeling. He just slid the whole thing in until he was in me right up to the hilt of his cock. He just slid it in nice and slow and I felt it filling my cunt, stretching it again and about halfway in it stopped and then he pressed harder and  i wriggled and thrust my hips and it went all the way in. He left it in me not moving for a moment and it was nearly taking my breath away. I felt full of cock before but now i felt beyond full. I felt rammed, crammed, chock a block with cock.

Then he started fucking me proper. Slowly at first then faster, faster and faster until he was fucking me flat out like a thrashing machine as he usually does.

The end of each thrust when it went in as far as possible actually hurt and pretty bad. Enough to cry out loud and try to push him away but Rod is relentless once he gets up to speed. There is no stopping him. The big blunt tip of the cock extender rammed into my cervix with each thrust and sent a jolt of pain reverberating through my body. Bit the pain came and went in a flash. Just a momentary interruption to a constant wave of pure fucking delightful pleasure that was wracking my body constantly. I loved it. I fucking loved it. I loved being fucked by that giant monster cock.

I went a little crazy, lost control a bit and was yelling out all crazy stuff. I remember saying “Fuck me with your horse cock”  “fuck me with your donkey cock”  “fuck me with your monster cock” and a lot of other crazy shit.

Right in the thick of it Rod suddenly grabbed me and flipped me over onto my stomach and yanked me up onto my hands and knees. My legs and arms felt a bit wobbly but I assumed the position and said something like “Mount me my big beautiful stallion.” Hahaha Sounds so funny now but at the time it sounded right.  Well, mount me he did. Like a fucking stallion. First attempt hit my asshole and I think I may have screamed this. “Not my fucking ass, not in my ass.” Panicking at the thought of that monster cock ripping my asshole open. But it was just bad aim apparently and it slid into my wet, dripping cunt and went all the way in, in one long powerful thrust.

The pain was unbelievable when it rammed home. It felt like my head was going to fly off and I crawled forward frantically, desperate to get away from that huge cock-thing. But as I said there’s no stopping Rod once he gets going and he dragged me back and rammed it back in. He got three painful deep hard thrusts in before I went crazy. I screamed and yelled at him to stop and I wriggled and broke free. “Not that way” I screamed at him, “It’s fucking killing me.”

He stopped for a second, looked confused, then flipped me back onto my back, dragged me to the edge of the ebd and started fucking me again like we had been before. It took me a little while to settle but then I was grabbing  him and yelling at him to fuck me harder, harder, deeper, faster, faster, yelling and screaming out loud and just generally going fucking crazy apeshit.

I came without warning feeling like my body had exploded. I arched my back, my legs went stiff and I moaned, groaned, screamed and cried. Rod tried to kiss me, thrusting my shoulders back down with his hands, his tongue momentarily down my throat, then on my lips, cheeks, nose, teeth crashing together painfully, lips mashing, then his strangled cry as he came and his body went rigid and with our faces crushed into each other he yelled and cried as he came with his monster cock deep inside my cunt, pressing my cervix up into my stomach.

It was a massive, amazing fuck. I took such a pounding I pissed a little. There was a big wet stain on the bed too big to be just cunt juice and it smelt like pee not cunt juice. I know cause I can’t smell my own cunt juice. But no wonder. I mean it was such a fucking pounding. My cunt is still tender. Not painful, just tender. It probably looks like bruised meat inside.

We both lay there for quite a while both of us exhausted. Sweating, panting, struggling for breath.

When Rod’s cock went slack I watched him slide the cock extender off. It just slid off when it was so tight before when his cock was hard. His porr little cock looked pathetic now. All smlal and limp where just ebfore it was magnificent. From 10″ to 2″ Hahaha. He held it over my tits and turned it inside out and smeared his cum over my tits. I just watched him do it too tired to move. Then I pushed my right tit up towards my mouth and leaned forward and sucked his cum off my nipple and my tit. He loves me doing that. He gets a gleam in his eye.

I fingered my cunt and it felt all sloppy and slushy.

Rod snuggled up beside me lying on his side as I lay on my back and he sucked my nipple and rubbed my tummy.  I held the tit he was sucking and squeezed it gently, the way you would when breastfeeding and he sucked my nipple like a baby. I like it when he does that. Sucks my tits like a baby. He likes to go to sleep doing that, sucking on my nipple. Maybe he’s got some unresolved Mother issues. Hahaha. But I like it. It feels so calming. So restful. Mildly erotic but mainly calming.

He was asleep in no time. But I lay awake thinking about getting fucked by his monster cock. I kept thinking about how big it was, how big it felt, how full I felt. And how it fucking hurt doggy style. It’s definitely a no go doggy.

I wondered what it felt like for him. Probably bigger on a psychological level than physical. Although there was a major psychological component to my feelings too, getting fucked by a monster cock like that. A few times I imagined I was actually being fucked by a horse. Imagine that. A horse with their giant fucking cocks. I’ve seen a  horse cock and seen horses fucking. I felt sorry for the mare even though she was big it was still a fucking big thing to go inside you.

I was happy too because I feel Rod and I are on the same wavelength. He’s no genius and no Brad Pitt but he’s a nice guy, good company and turning into an excellent fuck. He just needs a little refinement. To learn there are other speeds than flat out. Hahaha.

Skinny Me I Love

Sunday, March 13th, 2011

Fat Me. The Me I hate.

Fat Me. The Me I hate.

Skinny Me. The me I love.

Skinny Me. The Me I love.

I feel like shit today and these pictures are the reason why. I am Fat Me at the moment and I hate it. Even though I got a guy who is into Fat Chicks I’m still down because I know it’s not ME that he’s into he’s just into fat chicks. I hate being fat. And I’m fat most of the time. It’s only when I get really depressed, really anxious or more rarely really determined and exercise that I turn into Skinny Me.

I just find Fat Me disgusting. Fat, sloppy, wobbly, smelly and sweaty. And how I love Skinny Me. Sooo hot, so sexy, so fuckable.  When I am Fat Me and look in the mirror at my naked body I just want to throw up. But when I look at Skinny Me I get so excited and so turned on I can wank to orgasm just looking at myself. Hahaha. A peculiar combination of self-loathing and self-worship.

It’s funny and sad how you can be rolling along in a relationship, everything going good and then one little thing can totally fuck it up. One small action or something a guy says and everything is changed. There is no going back it’s changed forever.

Rod did it on Sat night. Small thing but it really got to me and now everything feels different. I usually like it when guys talk dirty during sex and nothing they say usually bothers me. I realize they are excited and say things without thinking. I know I do the same. Sometimes I say really disgusting things and go off like a whore. But Rod said something that cut really deep. Struck at the very core of me.

We were fucking with me standing up, leaning over gripping the window sill. I like it like that. Looking out over the street, watching the traffic and the occasional people walking by three stories below while I’m getting pounded from behind. So that was all good, when Rod decided to fuck me in the ass. I like it in the ass, but not so much with Rod. Rod only knows one style of cucking and that’s as hard and fast as he can and no matter how much I try to get him to take it easy fucking me up the ass he just can’t help it.

Actually the whole thing turned to shit. We were going great. I was loving his cock in and out of my cunt, my cunt was dripping with juice and he was ramming it into me. I was holding onto the window sill for dear life but it was great. Fantastic. He was grabbing my tits, my stomach and occasionally my clit while he fucked me from behind and I was loving all of it.

Then he says “I wanna fuck you up the ass.” and he stops. I hate it when a guy just stops fucking me like that. So I said “OK”.  But he was gone for ages looking for the lube and then fucking around doing god knows what. I really lost the moment. I was standing there still leaning on the window sill looking out and I could feel my cunt srying up and my mood leaving me the longer he was away. And I wasn’t too happy about he prospect of him ramming his cock up my ass the way he does.

He finally came back and I glanced over my shoulder to see him with his cock in one hand and the bottle of lube in the other and an idiot grin on his face. He looked so happy. I almost told him to fuckin hurry up. He just tried to ram his cock right in despite me telling him every single fucking time to take it easy. Bit at a time. But no he’s got this thing he has to just ram the whole fucking thing in at once. So it started bad.

He was grunting and ramming his cock at me, missing my asshole completely most of the time and I told him to slow down and take it easy. He did so I guided his slippery cock to my asshole and I pushed my ass back firmly but slowly and it went in no problem about a third of the way. Before he could start thrusting I said really loud. “Go slow. Tackle it easy.” And he did. For about 10 seconds. He slowly slid it in and then he was off like a fucking madman. It hurt. He didn’t care. Usually I can take it especially if I ma really turned on. But the way he asked me and the way he left me waiting there for so long had totally destroyed my mood.

So he was fucking me up the ass grunting like a pig and just ramming it in deep and hard and fast with no care for how i was feeling. I was so out of it.

Then when he’s really going for it he grabs my thighs and says

“I love fucking your fat ass.”

I froze but he didn’t even notice. My “fat ass?”

I was so demoralized. It just cut really deep. I hate my fat ass. I know it’s fat. It’s fat and disgusting. I am fat and disgusting and I don’t think I can keep going with a guy who love what I hate about myself.

But its so complicated. I really like him. Hes fun to be with, we do things together and I like just hanging out with him. And he’s a good fuck too. I love the way he just goes crazy and fucks me like a madman only not in my ass like that.  And I like having a boyfriend while I’m fat. Because normally fat me just stays at home and does nothing. Most guys aren’t interested in Fat Me. Ho, Skinny Me is a different story. Oh yueah. I never have trouble getting a guy when I’m skinny me, boyfriend or just a fuck. But nobody wants or likes Fat Me. Don’t blame them either.

Its really hard to get a guy whose a good fuck too. Really hard. Rod knows me and knows and understands what I like. He totally gets the cock sucking thing and most guys do not. I love to be the slut when I suck cock. To get on my knees and let them face fuck me until they cum in my mouth and I swallow. Rod got this straight away. That I like to suck his cock when he’s fully dressed. That I like him cumming in my mouth. That I like being on my knees. That I like getting my mouth fucked. In and out. Like a cunt. He gets all that.  He just knew the right things to say too. Like “Suck my cock, you slut.”  “Suck it, you cunt.” Oh God. That really gets me going. There’s much more too. But thing is he GOT IT.

And he gets cumming on my nipples and my other funny places. The small of my back, in between my ass cheeks, my stomach, my throat. Oh yeah. He gets all that. And the window thing. He gets that I lvoe looking oput the window while I’m getting fucked.

But now after this “fucking your fat ass” thing I just feel a bit flat about him.  Sunday I couldn’t fuck him during the day because I was terrified I would see my fat ass and throw up.

But now I’ve lost 3 lbs since i met Rod. And I think I am slowly turning back into Skinny Me and I think I want to be Skinny Me more than I want Rod. I think  I NEED to be Skinny Me again and forever.

I know Rod won’t like Skinny Me. He likes my fat too much. It’s like a Fat Fetish. And I am a different person when I’m Skinny Me. I’m more confident, more outgoing, wilder. Oh Yeah. And I fuck a lot more. Yes, Skinny Me is a bit of a slut. It just makes such a huge change to have guys pursuing me that I can’t resist. I want them to see how slim and sexy I am what a good fuck I am. How well this skinny body fucks.  I get very aggressive when I’m skinny.  Fat me just gets fucked, but Skinny Me does the fucking. I get on top of guys and pound THEM instead of them pounding me.  I push them around and tear their clothes and stick my finger up their ass to make them cum and to show them who’s the boss.

I know Rod wouldn’t like that. He likes to be in control. And he is with Fat Me.

So I dunno.

Fat Me Getting Cock

Monday, February 28th, 2011

I find it weird being in a relationship while I am fat. As you know if you have read my blogs and my ravings, I go through stages putting on eight (Fat Me) and losing it (Slim Me). I’ve rarely had a relationship while I am fat. Normally I just can’t handle it. My self esteem and self image hits rock bottom and I just hate myself too mcuh to let a man see me naked or even just look at me.

So it’s a really weird feeling being in a full on relationship, like going out and doing things when I am Fat Me. The really odd thing is Rod really seems to like me this way. He hasn’t said he’s into Fat Chicks only that he prefers rubenesque women which is just a fancy way to say he’s into fat chicks.  But if he really is into fat chicks then he’ll know from experience telling a woman he is into fat chicks is the kiss of death. hahaha.

It’s a bit like a roller coaster ride this relationship. Most of the time I hate myself but Rod seems to dig my body so much that at times I am high on it. But every time I see myself naked I shudder with disgust. I hate Fat Me. I hate my thighs, my ass and my stomach. I love Slim me. The trim, taut, firm hard, slim me. The tight ass, muscled legs, firm breasts and flat stomach. But Fat Me seems to be the dominant me. I’m fat more than I’m slim.

It’s also really weird fucking when I’m fat. I don’t understand how any guy can be into it. Why any guy would prefer a fat woman to a slim one. Oh, I’ve had a few desperadoes fuck me when I’m fat but that is so different. You can tell they’re not into you, just desperate for a fuck. But Rod is different. he really is really into Fat Me.

He loves running his hands over my body, my big fat tits, my stomahc, my ass and my thighs. When we fuck from  behind he likes to hold my big, fat stomach and my tbig fat round its when he fucks me. When we fuck with him on top, he likes to grab my ass.

I always start off feeling very nervous. Ashamed of my naked body. It takes a long while for me to relax and I need to be reassured that he is still into me and not just desperate for a fuck. Every time. Sometimes right in the middle of a fuck I’ll have a relapse and just shrivel up inside. Like when he’s fucking me doggy and I hear the splotch splotch splotch of his pelvis slamming into my big fat, soft ass. I hate that sound.

It’s just as bad when we go out. I hate being seen in public when I’m fat with a man. I always think people are talking. What’s a normal looking guy like him doing witht hat fat chick. He can do better. That kind of thing.

So I’ve taken to wearing long skirts to cover my fatness, jackets to cover my fat ass and outits that reveal cleavage to draw attention to my best feature when I’m fat. My tits. I gotta admit I like my tits when I’m fat. They change shape when I put on weight. They get rounder, bigger, heavier, and they jiggle a lot.  When I lose weight they get smaller but firmer. Nah, I don’t really know which I prefer. I love my big fat tits but I love my small firm tits too.

Rod loves fucking my big fat tits. Hahaha So do I. I just LOVE the feeling of a hard, stiff cock sliding in between my tits. I can completely wrap my fat tits around his cock. Make it disappear. Hahaha. I love the way his cock feels sliding on my ribs below and my tits above.  We do it two ways. I lie on my back and he straddles my chest and I push my tits up and hold themover his cock, completely enveloping his cock. I bend my head down as far as I can and keep my mouth open so I can suck his cock at the end of his thrust. I can do that when he tit-fucks me slowly but he usually gets carried away and likes to fuck my tits fast. I love the way he cums on my throat. The way it feels when it hits my throat and under my chin.

The other way I kneel down and he stands in front of me and I push my tits up and around his cock and he sort of bends at the knee and rives his cock up between my tits. This way is better for me to suck his cock. He usually fucks me slower this way and lets his cock hesitate inside my mouth at the end of each thrust. I love watching his cock magically appear from between my tits, then slip into my mouth.  Sometimes we’ll finish off with a face fuck and he’ll cum in my mouth.

He loves touching my body though. Even when I suck him off he tries so hard to get to my tits, my back, anything eh can reach. When I am on my knees sucking him off and he is standing he stretches into impossible positions to get to my tits. Most guys just grab my head and move my head back and forth and some guys lean back with their hands on their hips. God I hate that. Hahaha. Head flung back, pelvis thrust out and hands on hips. They look ridiculous. I liek it best when they hold my head and just gently guide my head back and forth. What I really lvoe is when we’ve been fucking for a while and have got our shit together, when the guy fucks my mouth like it was a cunt. Just in and out Oh Yeah that’s good. But most guys can’t do it right. They get too carried away and start ramming their cock down my throat. Makes me gag. I don’t normally gag if I’m in control but if they take me by surprise with a sudden throiat thrust I do. And it’s a turn off.

I lik efucking Rod. He’s a good fuck. Maybe a little intense but that’s better than a little detached. He’s into most things I am. He loves going down on me really savaging my cunt with his mouth, using everything – tongue, lips, teeth.  And giving me the treatment from my asshole to my clit but always favouring my clit. But I still feel very, very uncomfortable with him doing that whiole I’m fat. I am absolutely terrified I will be all sweaty and smelly down there. I don’t THINK I am but when you’re fat it’s always a risk. So I can’t handle him going down on me until I am really turned on and don’t give a fuck if I’ve got a smelly cunt. Hahaha

He likes caressing me all over my body. I like that. He runs his hands and fingers all over me and his tongue as well, kissing and licking every inch of me. He does that after we’ve fucked and it usually leads to another fuck session.  He likes cumming ON me which I like too. A lot of guys can’t or just don’t do it. They seem to have to fight this urge to have their cock deep inside me when they cum. Just about every guy I’ve fucked tries as hard as possible, it’s almost pathetic really, to get their cock as deep as possible in my cunt just before they cum.

I think related to this is most guys don’t like to wank in front of a woman. So they wait til the last possible moment to take their cock out and finish of by wanking, afraid I’ll see them jerking off. Hahaha. If only they knew what a turn on it is. Not just any guy jerking off of course, but watching your lover jerk off and watching his cum spurt out is a real turn on. Atleast for me. Rod has no hangups at all with me watching him jerk off and cum. He actually seems to enjoy jerking off watching my naked body, fat and disgusting though it is.

Rod is into anal sex but sadly he’s not much good at that. Rod is one of those guys that’s just  a mad fucker. He only knows one way to fuck and that’s full on, as deep, hard and fast as possible and you can’t do anal that way. And sadly he just doesn’t get that. Sad because I love it up the ass. A cock in your ass is ten times as intense as a cock in your cunt. And an anal orgasm is ten times as intense as a cunt orgasm. I try to get him to slow down but it’s impossible.

I can remember when anal sex was such a big thing for guys. It was something you kept for a special moment. And guys would get so fucking e xcited about it. But not so much  now. I think just about everyone is doing it now and it’s no longer the big thing it used to be. Shame. Is nothing special anymore?

Rod’s very much into body fucking. Between the tits, in the crack of my ass,  between my thighs, on my stomach even just rubbing his cock on my thighs or stomach or my back. But noit just a casual rubbing more like he’s trying to fuck. It’s pretty cool really. I lvoe the feel of a stiff, hard cock sliding up and down the crack of my ass. Oh God, that’s good.  especially rubbing on my asshole without entering it and of course, rubbing on my clit and to a lesser extent my cunt flaps.  When he rubs his cock on my thighs and stomach I don’t mind it and when he does it on my back that is really weird but in a nice way.

Rod’s favourite way to fuck is with me standing up leaning over, usually by the window with me holding onto the window sill. He gets behind me, puts one hand on my stomach, one on my tits and tries to get underneath me and thrust upwards. It’s very fucking hot. Hahaha.  Sometimes I have different favourite positions wiht differnet guys but with Rod it’s my normal favourite. Doggy, hard and fast. I like to thrust my ass backwards, toss my head, and really get into it.

He’s got a nice cock, thank God. Hahaha. I hate it when I’m really into a guy and he’s got an ugly cock. And some of them are. ugly. Really ugly. Especially the uncut ones. Most guys are uncut these days and that’s a shame because I much prefer a nice cut cock. Older guys are usually cut and that’s one bonus fucking an older guy. Ron is cut and that’s strange for a guy his age. They just look so much nicer. They look cleaner too. God,. you never know whats hiding under that big foreskin do you? Ewwww. That’s my biggest turn off with an uncut cock. That you’ll peel it back and ewwww. Hasn’t been washed under there for months. Ewwwww. Double ewwww.

His body is OK. Nothing fantastic but mnost guys aren’t. There’s not many guys in good shape. At least not the ones that end up between my legs. Hahaha. Nah most of them are pretty ordinary, just don’t give a fuck about their bodies. But of course a hot looking guy is no guarantee he’ll be  a hot fuck.

Fat and Feeling Horny

Friday, February 25th, 2011

I’m fat again. I put my 12 lbs back on and now I’m back to the old fat me. I don’t know if the real me is the fat me or the hot me.  Whether i’m normally hot and slim and just put on weight every now and then or I’m really fat me and just lsoe weight every now and then. I’ve always been like this. Weight up and down. No idea why. Not really.

The thing is when I do put on weight, Fat Me doesn’t get horny. Well Fat Me wanks and fantasizes but doesn’t go out and get laid. Hahaha. I just feel so embaressed and disgusted and can’t stand the thought of another person seeing me like that. I look at my naked body in the mirror and think ewww nobody would want to fuck that.

It’s a lot more complex than that. I should probably get some therapy about my self esteem and body image issues.

But now for the first time in my lfie (well maybe not the FIRST time) I am fat and feeling horny and being well fucked. I met this guy ROD! hahaha and thats how i say his name not Rod, RODDD!!!  And he loves giving me his ROD. hahaha

I was having a few drinks with some friends and feeling  bit low. I always get depressed when I get fat. Fat Me is very boring and dull. This guy came over and started talking to us as they do you know. In bars.  My friends didn’t like him though and they got up to dance and left me and him. I thought he’d go when they did but he moved over next to me and started talking to me.  I really wasn’t interested. I just thought,., like I always do when some guy makes a move on Fat Me that he is just some sad guy so desperate for a fuck that he’ll fuck even me.

I was just ignoring him. I wasn’t feeling horny, wasn’t interested, and was feeling too depressed to make an effort to even be polite.  But he seemed really interested in me. Not in a desperate way. Like there were plenty of other women in the bar bbut he seemed fixated on me.  After a whiel I thought he was actually being very nice and he told me I looked like I could do with a friend and I almsot burst into  tears.  Not really a friend just … dunno. Maybe just someone to be nice to me.

So I thought he’s too nice to be horrible to so I started talking too him. So there we were blah blah blah and next thing I know I’m telling him about Fat Me and Slim Me and he said he likes me fine the way I am and I said No No bullshit and he says No No I LOVE rubenesque women. That made me laugh. I said thats just a nice way of saying fat. And he said no fat is when your as wide as you are high. And I laughed and said Now that IS fucking fat. And we both laughed.

Cut a long story short. Back at my place in my bedroom. Now I’ve got him here and want to fuck him so badly but I’m frozen. I’m just so embaressed and totally regretting bringing him home. But see we pashed in the bar and outside and he moaned and felt me up and did all the thigns that made me think he really wanted to fuck me but now the time had come and I was just … embaressed about being so fat.

Rod was great. He said lets turn all the lights off and he ran around my unit turning everything off then pulled the curtains over in my bedroom and we were in like pitch black. Fuck it was dark. Hahaha. I felt better already. So I was standing there wondering what to do and wondering where Rod was. I eman it was really pitch black. I couldn’t see a fucking thing.

He said out of the blackness. “Ohhh Mary.” and I said “Oh Yeah” and giggled. I was a teeny bit tipsy. Hahaha. And I headed towards the sound of his voice and bumped into him.  I put my hands out and they both felt a naked chest. I thought. he’s taken his shirt off. I ran my hands down his side and felt bare ches, bare thighs, and I thoguht hes naked. Iw as shocked but I giggled and he laughed out loud. I felt around and touched his cock and let go like it was red hot. I couldn’t stop laughing.

The he grabbed my hand and guided it to his cock. It felt so warm in my hand. Warm and hard and thick. About average length. It felt funny doing this in complete darkness. I couldn’t even see a black form or anything. just blackness all around. He kissed me, driving his tongue deep into my mouth confidently and desperately. I staretd wanking his cock as we kissed and I was thrusting my tongue into his mouth, our tongues darting in and out of each others mouths, our lips pressed hard against each other. Our mouths open.

He reached down and lifted up my dress and put his hand inside my panties and felt up, fingering my clit and my cunt flaps. The he slid his middle finger into my cunt hole. I felt the tip of his finger pressing on my cunt hole, then felt the gentle rpessure of my cunt resisting and finally his finger sliding into the wetness. He fingerfucked me as I jerked him off and we kissed.

Then he took my hand off his cock and moved forward guiding his cock to my cunt, lifting up my skirt and pulling down my panties. ghis cock slid in between my legs and he started sliding it in and out rubbing between my legs, the upper side of his cock rubbing hard on my clit and my cunt flaps, forced up by the elastic in my panties. His cock felt so good sliding between my thighs, wet now with my cunt juice, and rubbing on my clit and cunt flaps.

He started undressing me as he fucked me between my thighs, blouse off, bra off, tits swinging out and down, struggling to find the zipper on my skirt, me helping him, skirt sliding down my legs and hitting the floor, cool air on my suddenly naked body, then my panties sliding over my ass and down my thighs. Then I was naked. His cock still sliding in between my thighs, his mouth clamped on mine and our tongues tongue fuckign each other in the mouth.

The his hands were all over my body, my breasts, squeezing, kneading, stretching, plams on my hard nipples, then my stomach, my back, my thihgs as low down as he could reach, then back up. then he took his mouth away from mine and clamped his mouth onto my tit. He sucked a great chunk of my tit inot his mouth and sucked it hard as he puleld his head back, stretching my tit with equisite, gentle pain. He gripped my nipple with his teeth and pulled his head back, stretching my nipple and my tit and I fle this teeth drag over my nipple as it slowly slid out from between his hard teeth. I moaned deeply.

I dropped to my knees, grabbed his cock in both hands and took it in my mouth,, I sucked it furiously, I was so fucking excited, so fucking turned on.  I bit on his cock, my teeth just past the head, and sucked it as ahrd as I could making him moan now. Long and low and mournful. Then I moved my lips along his cock until I felt his pubic hair on my lips and further till his whole cock was in my mouth and down my throat. I grabbed his ass and pulled him to me forcing his cock in even more, his pubic hair tickling my nose. Then I slowly dragged my lips back along his cock.

He took hold of my head and began moving my head back and forth as he fucked my mouth. Moving his cock in and out like it was a cunt.  His cock would go in all the way right up to the hilt as he pulled my head in, thne it would slide out as he pulled away. He was moaning and groaning a lot now and i like that. I like it when a man makes a lot of noise. His cock felt great in my mouth. I was loving it. I love sucking cock.

But he started tog et over excited and shoving his cock too far into my mouth well not too far in but unexpectedly. I need to control that. He was making me gag on his cock and that was getting him all the more excited. I had to stop it. gagging on a hard cock in your throat can be a real turn off. I pulled my head away and he half pushed, half guided me to the ebd and pushged me back on it and dived for my cunt.

I stopped his head with my hands and I said no.  I don’t like anyone going down on me when I’m fat. I’m terrified my cunt will be all sweaty and smelly and my inner thighs will be all sweaty too. He pushed my hands away and I said NO louder and grabbed his arms. Then he stood abck, lunged at me, grabbed my ankles and nearly yanked me off the ebd. I ened up wiht my ass half hanging off the bed and he pushed my ankles up in the air andover until my knees were beside my head and he lunged at my cunt wiht hsi mouth.

I screamed, actually screamed when he did that and then his mouth, all wet and hungry was on my cunt, he sucked up great chunks of my cunt flaps into his mouth and sucked hard. Real hard. He sucked my clit and nibbled and  chewed on it and I was moaning, groaning, squirming, twisting and maybe yelling. My legs were bent over my body and I really couldn’t move much and my cunt was pointing at the ceiling. He ravaged my cunt wiht his mouth. Sucking, licking, chewing, nibbling, biting,  plunging his tongue deep into my cunthole, my wet, slippery, hot cunthole.He lciked me from my asshole to my clit voer and over back and forth, plunging his tongue into my cunt hole, stopping to chew, nibble and bite my cunt flaps and my clit now and then.

It was driving me crazy. I was trembling and shaking and I came and came and came. Wriggling and squirming and unable to move more than a few inches.

Just when I thought I was going to go completelu looney, he stood up, stretched my legs far apart and plunged his cock into my cunt. Deep. All the way in. He rammed it in right up to the hilt. Then  he fucked me like a madman. Ramming his cock deep into my cunt, holding my legs wide apart mby the ankles. I was moaning and groaning and turning my head from side to side.

He was fucking me as hard and fast and deep as I thought it was humanly possible, but I still said “Fuck me harder. Deeper. fzuck me deeper.” He sure tried.  He spread my legs even further apart and the wider apart my legs were the deeper he went.

Then he stopped and dragged me round in a circle on the bed by the ankles around till I was over on the other side of the bed near the window. He let go of one ankle and reach ebhind him to pull the curtains open.  The light from the street flooded in casting a pale blue light over my body. I could see my tits, big and round and flat on my chest  with my nipples looking really dark and the slight bulge of my fat stomach. He stood there looking at me wiht his cock still inside me and said “You’re so fucking beautiful.” I thought No I’m so fucking fat and disgusting.

he put hsi hands on the ebd beside my chest and leaned over me. he said “I want to watch you while I fuck you.” Oh God, that turned me on. I just said “fuck me. Fuck me hard.” And he did. Long, deep, powerful thrusts that rammed my insides and jekred my body up and down on the bed.

The n he dragged me off the bed and made me stand up so the lgiht coming in from the window  was on me. I felt so exposed. He cupped one tit with hsi left hand and cupped my fat belly wiht the other and bent me over standing up. He forced my legs apart wiht his knees until I was standing up, bent over at the waist, legs wide apart. He let go of my stomach and guised his cock into my cunt and started fucking me again. It was fucking DIVINE. His hands on my tits and my stomach moving up and down from tit to stomach, his cock rammming into my cunt hole, his pelvis slamming into my fat ass with a wet, splotchy, slapping sound.

I moved around while he kept fucking me until I could rest my hands on the window sill. I got a shock when I looked out and saw people and cars moving on the street below. He was fuckign me so ahrd my body jerked up and forward every time he rammed his cock into me. My tits were jiggling and bouncing around like mad things under his hands. And all the time this splotch splotch splotch, wet slapping spound as his pelvis slammed into my fat ass, wet now with my cunt juice.

I held onto the window sill for dear life, afraid that he was going to ram me right out the window he was slamming into me so hard. I braced against the window sill and thrust my ass backwards to meet his thrusts. We slammed into each other and every time he thrust I felt his cock plunge deep, deep into my cunt.

We fucked for ages. It seemed like ages. On and on. Grunting like pigs, both of us. Every time he rammed his cock into me he made this really loud grunt. UGH! It was like UGH! UGH! UGH! and I was like UGH! UGH! UGH! with some moaning and groaning thrown in. I was thrusitng my ass backwards like a crazy woman. He was grabbing and squeezing my tits and my stomach and ramming his cock into me. Then  unbelievably he started fucking me even faster. Crazy fast. impossibly fast.  In amongst the grunts he said “I’m gonna cum.” and without thinking I desperately said “Cum on my tits.”

He stopped fucking me and spun me around to face him, so fast he made me giddy. I dropped to my knees and he poked his cock at my tits and started jerking off like a madman. I pushed my tits together and forced them up against his cock. His cock went between my tits and his fist, closed over his cock slmammed into them as he jerked off. He groaned really loud, a long drawn out groan as I felt his cum, warm and sticky shoot out between my tits and run down between them. I held them together tightly around his cock as he spurted his cum in between them. He let go of his cock and I felt it slide up between my tits all covered in cum. So slippery.

I held his cock and rubbed his cum onto my tit. All over my tits, spreading it all over them wiht hsi cock. I used his cock to rub his cum all over my tits, especially my nipples, he sighed as I rubbed the tip of his cock on my nipple.  My tits were glistening wet with his cum in the pale blue light from the street outside. All wet and glistening. I took his cock in my mouth and sucked the cum off it and saw it come out all glistening wet and clean, covered now in my saliva.

Then he dropped to his knees and looked in my face and said “You’re fucking amazing.” I pushed my right tit up with my right hand and bent my head forward, poking out my tongue to lick his cum off my tits. I watched him while I licked his cum off my tit and saw his eyes grow WIDE. His mouth opened wide but he said nothing. I licked my tit all over as far as I could reach then I slowly and deliberately sucked my nipple. Then I did my other tit. Now both my tits were almsot free of cum and glistening wiht my saliva.

I looked at him, worried he might freak out, but when I get turned on I do crazy things like that.  But he just leaned over and bent down and started licking up his cum from the underside of my tits where I couldn’t reach with my tongue. It was such an incredibly erotic sight. Watching Rod licking his own cum off my tits.

I have never had such a fantastic fuck when I am Fat Me. Never. It was fucking amazing.

We lay in bed afterwards and talked for hours. He kept telling me how much he lvoed my body, how sexy I was, what a great fuck I was and all the things a woman loves to hear. We lay naked on top of the covers and talked and the whole time he caressed every part of my body, hands and fingertips caressing and exploring my thighs, my ass, my stomach, my tits, my back. It was sublime.

I played with his body too. He was average build, slim but not skinny, soft but not fat, hairy chest, hairy legs but not too hairy.  I played wiht his cock and his balls and his ass while we talked and when his cock was half hard agian I sucked it slowly and gently until it was completely  hard again.  We fucked again but slowly, prolonging it, revelling in the feel of each others bodies. We fucked missionary wiht his watching my face while he fucked me, then doggy but stopped when that looked like getting out of control.

Then without suggesting or asking, he straddled my chest and I automatically cupped my breats around his cock and he fucked me between the tits.  I find that incredibly erotic. He looked down at me the whole time and we exchanged  smiles the whole time.  Every now and then we’d stop and he’d rub his cock all over my tits, pressing my nipples, rubbing it up and down on my tits, then he’d put it back on my chest between my tits and I’d force my tits over, pushing them up from the sides to envelope his cock in a warm slippery blanket of tit.

He slid his cock up and down my chest, covered in tits, fucking me between the tits. I watched the head of his cock poke out from between my tits and I’d poke out my tongue and try to lick it as it poked out.  I bent my head voer as far as I could and each time his cock poked out it went into my mouth and I’d suck it hard and it made a popping noise as it popped out to slide back down between my tits, then it would slide along my chest under my tits to poke back out right into my willing eager mouth.

He came suddenly, his cum spurting up to hit my throat and the underside of my chin, and he moved up and forward and I opened my mouth hungrily, eagerly to let him finish cumming in my mouth. I swallowed his cum as it pumped into my mouth, feeling the warm, salty, sticky cum on my tongue and my teeth and feeling it dribble on my lips and my chin. I licked it and sucked it in and swallowed it.  Then he leaned down and gently pushed my head u to expose my nbeck and he licked his cum off my throat and the underside of my chin. It felt so incredibly erotic and sexy and I grabbed my clit and rubbed it frantically while he lciked his cum off my throat and under my chin.

He was sucking my nipple when I came. I lost time. He was lciking my throat and chin and the next thing I knew I was having an orgasm and his mouth was clamped tight on my left nipple, his hand scrunching up my tit and his other hand over the top of my hand that was frantically rubbing my clit.

Then we fell asleep.

In the morning I felt terribly embaressed and snuck into the shower while he slept. But I ran into him as I left the shower. We were both naked and I was mortified for him to see Fat Me naked in daylight but his cock shot up the INSTANT he saw my naked body. We fucked in broad daylight wiht my fat gut jiggling around disgustingly and my big fat tits wobbling, bouncing and jiggling all over the place. We fucked doggy wiht his pelvis slamming into my fat wobbly ass and I didn’t give a fuck. He loves Fat Me. My fat ass, my fat gut, my chubby thighs and my big fat floppy tits.

To be continued.

He Won’t Fuck Me

Friday, January 21st, 2011

I met this guy Tony a few weeks ago and we been going out for coffee and had dinner a few times. He’s one of those really nice guys that you love to hang out with but is just not sexy. He is so intelligent, and clever, funny, witty and considerate. A great guy. But not sexy. He has never made a move on me and that was fine because I never felt any physical attraction towards him.

But about a week ago he was at my place and I cooked dinner and we were just hanging out drinking wine and listening to music. It was great. We had just opened our third bottle of wine and we were both feeling good. Laughing and fooling around and suddenly he just looked at me and said “I really like you Mary.” and he kissed me on the cheek. It was so nice. So soft and tender. Such a lovely, affectionate kiss. I looked at him and I thought I really like him too.  So I told him I really liked him too and I kissed him on the cheek too. Then we both burst out luaughing. Dunno why. We just did.  Then we were really close like face to face and I hadn’t felt the slightest sexual stirring, only a real affection, when we kissed on the lips. Just a fleeting kiss but full lip contact.

I felt something but not sexual. A sort of jolt. It felt so nice. I’ve never kissed a guy like that before. Just lips touching and then stopping. Most guys do that then it’s a full on, all tongue assault. So I kissed him again, this time pressing my lips firmly against his. He pushed back but didn’t open his mouth. It was so nice. This schoolkid like kissing. It was how I kissed my first boy before I knew about tongue kissing.

I think I started what happenned next. Yeah, I did. It was me. I kissed him again and this time I just touched his lips with the tip of my tongue.  Then he kissed me ont he lips, the cheek, my forehead, my eyelids, the tip of my nose, my throat, my neck, my ear lobes. Kiss, kiss, kiss, all over my face. It was so nice. NICE. Not really sexy or arousing. Just so fucking NICE.

He is like the most gentle and tender man I have ever known.

Then we got all comfy on the couch and we kissed for hours. Hours! Just kissing each other all voer our faces, gently and tenderly. I kept waiting and expecting him to make a move on me but he didn’t. He seemed really happy just doing what we were doing. At one stage I put his hand on my breast and he gave my tit a little squeeze, but then he took his hand away.

But we were both pretty pissed and we went to sleep on my couch. I woke up in his arms and felt a bit horny but I also had a blinding headache – I get that from wine sometimes – and it didn’t feel right in the harsh light of day. Officially, we were just friends.

So, that was OK, we had breakfast and hung out for a while, chatting like we normally do and then he left.

But next night I called him and asked him to come round. No big deal, I often do that. So does he. We just hnag out whenever we fell like it. No big deal. Sometiems he’s busy, sometimes I am. But not this night. He came round.  The first time we got into the kissing I was fully dressed, jeans and a shirt etc. but this time I had just had a shower and had a bath robe and nothiing else on. I thought about getting dressed but then I thought I don’t usually with Ralph and it’s never been a problem. I used to at first but I had become so comfortable with him that I had stopped getting dressed for when he came over. I thought about getting dressed in case the kissing had changed his mind about fucking me and I really didn’t want to fuck him nor give him the wrong idea.

I was feeling a bit confused. I really liked him but only as a friend. He didn’t turn me on at all. I really enjoyed the kissing though which was the bit that confused me. Kissing like that leads to sex, doesn’t it? but I didn’t want to fuck him. I just liked kissing him, that’s all.

We had both eaten so I made some munchies and we sat on the couch as usual but this time we just chatted and didn’t play any music. The flat was really quiet. It was very cosy just the two of us. We had coffee so we were both fully sober. After about an hour I did his thing. I kissed him lightly on the lips and told him I really liked him. He just smiled and kissed me back the same way.

Then the Devil made me do it. I just get these crazy impulses and do things without thinking. I started laughing and said “That’s not a kiss.” Then I put my left hand on his cheek and my right hand behind his head and kissed him on the lips and forced my tongue deep into his mouth. I tongue fucked his mouth, sliding my tongue in and out and pulling his head towards mine, crushing our lips together. It was a full on tongue kiss. An “I wanna fuck you” tongue kiss.

Then I pulled away and said “That’s a kiss.”

And we both burst out laughing.

The Ralph said, “No, no THIS is a kiss.”

And he kissed me lightly on the cheek, then all over my face. My forehead, the tip of my nose, my ear lobes, my chiin, throat, neck, then he kissed me on the lips and slowly, oh so slowly, he slid his tongue into my mouth. I felt a real jolt when I felt his tongue enter my mouth. Something shifted inside me. He was so gentle and tender. His tongue was sliding in and out slowly, not thrusting. When his tongue withdrew my tongue followed it into his mouth. Then I sucked his tongue gently and he began stirring, getting restless. I wondered if he was getting turned on and whether I should stop it now. but I couldn’t.

I loved his tongue on my mouth, his lips on my face. His breath smelt slightly of mint. I sucked his tongue, I licked it, I poked my tongue out and he closed his lips around it and sucked it. He started kissing my throat, moving from left to right, kissing, licking, gently, slowly. I rolled over onto my back and slid my bathrobe down at the front exposing my chest above my breasts. He kissed my collar bone and moved down my chest, kissing and licking across my upper chest. His lips and tongue barely touched me, so soft, so faint, so tender.

I reached down and undid my robe, closed my eyes tightly and pulled it open. It went a bit further open than I expected and with a start I realised I was suddenly fully exposed. Tits, cunt, everythng. on display liek a smorgasbord. I had only intended to expose my breasts or maybe just part of my breasts, but I was getting in a bit of a state and my hands were trembling as I opened my robe. I just lay there, thinking I had gone too far. I thought about closing the robe but I didn’t want to be that obvious and didn’t want to upset Ralph.

So I just lay there and thought “Fuck it.”

Ralph had stopped and was staring at my exposed body. He’d never seen me naked before. I felt good. I looked good, I knew it. I’d been losing weight steadily for months and my body was slim and trim and firm.  If I’d been fat I’d have covered up real quick although I probably wouln’t have been in this position had I still been fat. I watched him looking at my body. His eyes moved slowly over my body, my breasts, my nipples, my stomach, my cunt. He stopped and stared at my cunt as if he was surprised. No hair. Not one. Smooth and hairless and I wondered if it was the first hairless pussy he’d seen. Then his eyes moved on to my thighs and my ankles and slowly back up again hesitating at my hairless cunt again.

I lay there getting a bit worried about his inaction. Most guys would have dived on me and be fucking me hard and fast by now. Ralph was still just eyeing me slowly. I wondered what he was going to do now. I wondered if I had gone too far. I hadn’t meant too.

Then he slowly lowered his head and kissed me on the throat and I felt his wet tongue trail down my chest between my breast, his chin nudging the bulge of my left tit on the way down, his tongue circled under my left breast following where my breast joined my chest and then slowly I felt his tongue moving up the side fo my breast towards my nipple. His wet tongue touched my nipple and I felt a jolt through my body and looked down to see my nipple, hard and erect and the tip of his tongue moving slowly on it.

I watched his lips part and move downward to enclose my nipple as I felt his lips wrap around my nipple and begin to suck it, long, and slow and gentle. Then the tip of his tongue touched my nipple as he sucked it. I reached out and touched his head pushing it down onto my nipple. Then hhis tongue moved to my other breast leaving a wet trai from one nipple to the other. He sucked and licked my nipples for ages, moving from one to the other. I lay back enjoying it feeling my cunt juices beginning to flow. My cunt starting to tingle and itch and burn for cock.

I don’t know how long he sucked and lciked my breasts and nipples but finally I felt his wet tongue moving down my stomach, exploring my belly button, locking inside it and sliding around it. His tongue eft my belly button and slid wetly downwards over my pubis heading directly for my cunt. I started trembling all over, even  my toes were trembling.  I closed my eyes tight and braced for the feeling of hsi wet tongue on my clit and when it reached my cunt I automatically arched my back.

I felt his wet tongue plough into my cunt, sliding betweent he moist lips and I lifted one leg and hooked it over the top of the couch and moved my other leg out away from the couch so my legs were wide apart and my cunt fully exposed. He turned and half stood, half crouched beside the couch with his ass up near my face and he licked my cunt from my clit to my asshole and back again. I trembled and shook. He rubbed my clit with thr tip of his tongue, then drove it down between my cunt lips, pressing down hard, then stopped just before my asshole and moved his tongue back up, this time sliding it into my cunt hole. He tongue fucked me for a while, then moved his mouth to my clit and started sucking my clit.

He sucked my clit into his mouth and I reached out between his legs and grabbed his cock through the thick material of his jeans. It felt hard and big. I felt his balls in my hand through his jeans, big and soft and bulging. I tried to reach his belt to undo his jeans. I wanted to feel his cock in my hands but I couldn’t reach it. He moved again and was half laying over me and I felt his shirt on my naked breasts and his tongue bgan to rub my clit inside his mouth as he sucked my clit hard. Then harder and harder. I moaned loudly, feeling waves of pleasure washing over my body. My clit was the centre of my existence now. His tongue, his lips, working their magic.

Then he climbed onto the couch and put is knees on either side of my body in a 69 position and reached under me and lifted my ass right up off the couch. With his hands on my ass cheeks he held me up and buried his head between my legs. He was concentrating on my clit now, sucking it so hard, so fucking hard, pulling and stretching my clit up, pulling it away from my cunt and all the time he rubbed my clit inside his mouth, with the tip of his tongue. The tip of his tongue moved with blinding speed back and forth across the tip of my clit, while his lips were clamped on the base of my clit, sucking it and pulling it up with his lips.

His ass was right in my face and I tried desperately tog et his belt undone and get to his cock but I couldn’t do it upside down. I raised myself up and mouthed him between the legs, feeling the rough denim on my lips and I mouthed his balls and his cock through the denim of his jeans.  I bit the cheeks of his ass through his jeans and squeezed and rubbed his hard cock through the denim. Then I felt a finger slowly slide into my cunt hole and finger fuck me while he sucked my clit. After a while, the finger slowly slid out to be replaced by another finger and then I felt the first finger, covered in my cunt juice pressing tentatively on my asshole.

I moaned aloud and felt the finger slide slowly into my asshole. I moaned again and curled myself up and felt the finger go deeper. Now he was sucking and lickign my clit, and finger fucking my cunt hole and my asshole. He was going at it faster and faster, sucking and lciking and finger fucking both my holes. I buried my face in his ass and hung on to him tightly as the first orgasm rocked my body.  It began in my clit and flowed then flooded through my body moving up through the pit of my stomach to just below my ribs.

I arched my back and lifted him up with me. I stayed up there for a while, then slumped back down and he never missed a beat the whole time. frantically sucking, licking and finger fucking me. I’d given up trying to get to his cock and was completely absorbed in my own pleasure. I rocked and rolled and squirmed and twisted under his body and came and came and came until my clit was aching unbearably and I felt like I couldn’t breath. I begged him to stop and rolled over he fell off me and off the couch to land on his ass on the floor.

I lay on my back on the couch while he lay on the floor not moving. Just lying there. I had just had a fantastic multiple orgasm and I was still gasping for breath.  I was thinking how I was going to suck his cock until he came in my mouth as soon as I got my breath back, then take him into my bed and fuck his brains out afterwards.

It never happenend. He got up and made more coffee and I could sense him watching my naked body from the kitchen.  Stealing glances from the kitchen. So cute.  I felt funny lying there fully exposed while Ralph was fully dressed making coffee in the kitchen. When he came back with two cups of steaming coffee I covered up and we sat there and chatted as if nothing had happenned. Then he left. Kissed me on the cheek and said he had an early start in the morning.

After he left I got my vibrator and fucked myself on the couch like a crazy woman. I rammed that vibrator deep and hard in my cunt relishing the feeling of its hard length in my cunt. But I never came. But I swore I’d get myself a bigger, thicker, longer vibrator. hahaha

The next time with Ralph I made sure he was naked before we started and I tried to keep at least a little bit of control over events.  Ralph was a bit of a shock naked. He was very thin, much thinner than expected but that just made his cock look bigger. Hahaha. We kissed like we did before. A long passionate kissing session. Then I started undressing him and got him naked, watching me while I undressed. I was very sexy watching a naked man watching me undress.

We were ont he couch again and we did a great 69 and I was so fucking excited the first time I held his cock on my hand and even more excited the first time I sucked it. Oh God. I dunno why it was so exciting.  But I found the more I got into sucking his cock it put him off sucking my clit. He kept losing his concnetration or something so I ended up just holding his cock tightly with its tip pressed to my lips while he worked on me.  I came again like a freight train but just as I was about to suck him off he rolled me over onto my stomach and climbed on top of me. I loved the feeling of his body on top of mine but was wondering what he was up to. I wanted to suck him off badly but he didn’t seem interested.

He swivelled around until he was facing my feet. I felt his balls on my back then my shoulders as he moved his body and lenaed over and buried his face his my ass.  I felt his wet tongue sliding between my ass cheeks and shivered when his tongue slid over my asshole.  I was lying on my stomach and he moved till he had both knees on the couch on either side of my body up near my shoulders. I could feel his balls and his cock on my back every time he moved.  He gave me the most comprehensive ass tongue fucking of my life. He pulled my ass cheeks wide apart, shoved his face in and tongue fucked my asshole like a madman. I nearly went crazy. I squirmed and wriggled and squealed at the sheer wicked sensation of his tongue deep in my asshole. I whispered “Fuck me, fuck me,” a few times but I dont know if he heard me.

It felt so fucking weird yet wonderful lying on my back with Ralph tongue fucking my asshole like a madman. It was so good. So fucking good. I’ve never had a tongue so deep in my as and it felt so fucking good. Fucking amazing. And I’ve never known a guy so enthusiastic and uninhibited about sticking his tongue in my asshole.

I was kicking my feet in the air and squirming and squealing as he tongue fucked my ass and I felt his cock rubbing on my back between my shoulderblades. His cock felt so big and hard and hot rubbing up and down between my shoulder blades while he tongue fucked my asshole. Then he came on my back. I felt a sudden, wet hotness, spreading out over my back between my shoulder blades. I was so surprised. Shocked. I couldn’t believe it. He just came on my back while he was tongue fucking my ass. I never thought a guy would cum from rubbing his cock on my back. hahaha.

We’ve been “fucking” for over a week now and we haven’t actually fucked. That is to say he’s never had his cock in my cunt.  We’ve done the 69, I’ve sucked him off, he’s gone down on me, but never fucked me. It reminds me a bit of Ken but it’s different. It’s as if fucking just isn’t important to him. I’m happy as it is but I still want him to fuck me properly. I want to feel his cock in my cunt. But I am happy to wait till whenever. It will happen. Mayeb he’s got a hair trigger or maybe we just get too involved in other shit to actually get around to fucking. I dunno. I don’t really care – it’s not that big a deal.

But at times I really want to get on my hands and knees like a bitch and feel his cock ramming into me form behind. Apart from that Im happy.

My Panty Man Update

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Well I was amazed to see my first post about Panty Man was way back on February.  Now sit down and hang onto your hats boys and girls because …. I am still going out with Panty Man.  Yes, after SIX months. Hahaha. Now that’s a record for me.   I smiled when I read in my previous post how I was enjoying having a regular boyfriend. I still do. The little things. Having someone ot hang out with. And its good to be getting cock regular as well. Hahaha

But… and there’s always a “but” I fear my passion for Rick is beginning to wane. I can’t explain it properly but his panty fetish certainly has a lot to do with it. It is the kind of thing that you DO get sick of. I guess it’s like any feetish. They are all good and fun but when a fetish becomes an obsession its no longer fun. It becomes like a drug addiction.  He HAS TO have it not because he wants but ebcause he NEEDS it. Like Heroin.

Nowdays he cannot fuck me, he cannot get a hardon unless panties or underclothes are involved. It was fun at first, then it was no big deal , but now it’s become a drag.  I am just so sick  of it now. So over it.

I meant to document this in detail because it was interesting the way Rick’s fetish grew, blossomed and finally burnt out. In my eyes at least. It began as a mild interest in my panties and soon became a bit of an obsession with my undies. Then it became “Essential”  He had to have his panties or he coulnd’t get a hard on. He wasn’t like this at first. No he could get a hard on alright any time but after only a few weeks he couldn’t.

Most of the time it was fine though. Its not a painful or patrticularly disgusting fetish. And it meant he was always buying me new, sexy undies. Hahaha. But he was very hard on them. Cumming on them, ripping them, stretching them.

HIs fetish seemed to blossom like a flower. Revealed piece by piece, a little bit at a time. Until I saw him in his full glory, black lacy bra, black lacy panties, suspender belt and stockings. He was rapt. He had this look of religious fervour on his face. And his cock looked like it was twice its normal size and twice as hard.  We had an amazing fuck that night.  Very physical and animal. I was incredibly turned on by Rick wearing those undies. Strange. But true. Seeing his cock sticking out the side of those delicate, sexy, feminine panties was so erotic. So surreal.

I thought we had moved to another level after he went all the way and dressed up. Up till then he’d only fool around putting my panties on or my bra. Just joking. Ha ha ha. Little joke. So I thought now he has revealed this dressing up thing and the sex was so fucking rip roaring rootin tootin hot that night it was gonna be like that from now on.

No. Next time was a disappointment. He seemed awkward and embaressed in front of me and I felt awkward too. I mean it was difficult. There is this guy I really like, OK looking, normal, gets dressed every day, gets up goes to work. Socialises with normal people. And here he is dressed in a womens bra and panties. Yeah. It used to rattle me a bit.

So I am not sure whee we are at. Not in a bad place.  Just in a strange place. Things may work out. This may just be a hump we need to get over.

I guess I feel a bit inadequate. Sexually and as a woman. Because I am constantly aware that Rick soes not find me exciting enough to get his cock hard and fuck me. And I keep thinking it is my underwear not me that does get him going.

So that’s an ongoing problem for me.

Stay tuned folks because we are either heading for a bust up or moving into a new plane of something or other hahaha in our relationship. Sadly, I think its the former. I think we are running out of steam.

That’s all I got for now.

Shemale / Ladyboy Fantasies

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

I recently saw some pics of ladyboys on this site. I had never seen or heard of a Ladyboy before and have become quite entranced with them. They are so fantastically beautiful. There is a quality about them that is almost magical. They are the Best of Both Worlds. The soft and gentle beauty of a woman and the hard cock of a man.

I’ve often joked, well half joked that if men didn’t have cocks we (women) wouldn’t bother with them.

I have had sex and short and long term relationships with both men and women. 

The thing I like most about women is their softness, femininity and patience. I love their smooth, soft skin, soft round breasts, smooth legs and ass, soft silky thighs. I love to kiss, suck, lick and caress them all over. There is only one thing that I do not like about sex with women. Their pussy. I still need to gird my loins, grit my teeth, and clamp my eyes shut and at times try to metaphorically clamp my nose shut, before I go muff diving.  It simply does not appeal to me. I’m OK when I am aroused and excited but normally it’s ewwww.  I just do not like that squishy, unformed, erratic, sometimes smelly conglomeration of flaps, hollows, lumps, bumps, strips and protrusions of flesh that is the female pussy.

There’s the problem. I love, I adore getting my pussy licked and I would much rather suck a cock in reciprocity than a cunt. But I much prefer a woman going down on me than a man. Men are always in such a hurry to get back up from down there and I always get the feeling they are only down there because they feel they have to.

I do like cock. I LOVE the feeling fo a cock sliding into my cunt for the first time. Its such a thrill every time I feel that. I lvoe the feel of them in my mouth too. The smooth silkiness of the head, the firmness of the shaft, the way they grow hard in my mouth. The way they slide in and out over my lips.

Its the rest of the man thats the problem. I really dont like hairy guys. I know they can’t help it but it just turns me right off. Hairy balls, hairy asses, hairy backs, hairy bellies, hiary armpits. The next thing I dont like about men is their apparent disdain for personal hygiene. Not all guys but at least half of them.  They just don’t seem to give a shit. Smelly feet, smelly armpits, smelly balls. They wear the same underwear for days.  I hate it and lvoe it when they done something incredibly intimate like tonguefuck you up the ass and then expect you to do the same to them and you just cannot get close enough to their asshole because of the stink. Women generally are much cleaner and nicer smelling. We instinctively look after our personal hygiene. 

I have always thought the ideal solution would be a woman with a cock. The best of both worlds. I never thought beyond just that thought though. It was always simply an idle thought. An impossible thought. A woman with a cock. Such things don’t exist. But they do.  Shemales and Ladyboys. I dont know mcuch about either but I have been checking up on Ladyboys. They are Asian Shemales.

Ladyboys look like women in every way. They are all very feminine and they all seem to be startlingly attractive. They have natural looking breasts, nipples, womanly shape, and a cock.

I went searching for Ladyboys on the internet yesterday and never found an unattractive one. Some were breathtaking, all were incredibly beautiful. But some shemales (non-Asian) were distinctly masculine. Ie tall and broadshouldered) I found lots of pictures and videos.

I found a video of a Ladyboy fucking a woman. It was one of the most, if not the most, sexiest, erotic, turning on videos I have ever seen.  I watched it all the way through dumbfounded. I couldn’t react to it at all. The second time I watched it I wanked furiously. Rubbing my clit frantically and imagining it was me being fucked by the Ladyboy. I spent hours watching it over and over again and wanking until I couldn’t cum anymore.

This has become my No. 1 Fantasy. To be fucked by a Ladyboy. But i think I will have to go to Singapore or somewhere to find one. Hahaha. So I will start saving up.

I can imagine it all so clearly. I draw from my memories of fucking men and women and I selectively draw the best bits from both to make my fantasy.  I imagine her hair falling around my head, her nipples scratching my back and her  cock sliding in and out of my cunt as she fucks me doggy. Hard and fast, like a man.  I imagine sucking her cock while I caress her tits. A mouthful of cock and a tit in each hand, hard nipples rubbing my palms.  Our tits squashed together as I lie on my back, legs wide apart, her body on top of mine, fucking me, hard and fast, our tits rubbing up and down on each other, our lips locked together, tongues entwined.

My Panty Man

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

I gotta admint its nice having a boyfriend.  Its nice to have someone to hang with, go have a drink, a meal, go to the movies, go for a drive. But mainly just hang out with. I find it hard to meet men. Well not meet but to get past the first hurdle with. I find most men boorish, dull, and uninteresting.  I know that sounds arrogant given that I am no beauty and could be accused of the same things myself, but that is how I am and I cannot help it.

My girlfriends say I am too fussy but if they knew some of the guys I’d fucked they wouldn’t say that. hahaha.  It’s not that I’m fussy. Its more that I rarely find a guy that i “click” with. Know what I mean?

I sort of Half Click with Rick. We get on very well. We like the same music, films, food etc all the superficial things. Hes polite, well mannered, interesting, good company.

So his panty fetish is the price to pay for having him as my boyfriend. I have had guys with worse fetishes. hahaha. Comparatively speaking and in the grand scheme of thigns his fetish is pretty tame.

Another problem I have with men is that my sex drive is usually greater than theirs. I love to fuck and when I really like a guy I love to fuck even more.  Most guys start offf fine but after a few weeks, sometimes months, they settle down but I do not. When I really like a guy I just seem to want to fuck him more and more as time goes by and harder and kinkier. While they seem the opposite.

And this is where his undies fetish comes in. It drives him totally nuts. In a sexual sense. Gets him going. hahaha

Last night i tried a little experiment with Rick.  We went out for dinner and I did not wear a bra or panties. Nor stockings. Nothing. When we got home and headed to the bedroom I quickly stripped off and lay on the bed.  Well, you should have seen the look of disappontment on his face. No underwear!

It was so obvious his heart wasn’t in it. I sucked his cock and it went hard and soft in my mouth and we fooled around for a while. But this was the first time he had ever encountered me fully nude like this.  I think just the sight and touch of my underwear as he was undressing me was enough to get him going but when he was confronted with a naked woman. Uh oh. Not so exciting.

Thats not so say he couldn’t perform. He got hard and we started fucking but it was no good to me. I like no I NEED a man to be turned on, excited, desperate to fuck me, not just fucking me going through the motions. And thats what it felt like.

So i was on top riding him, sliding up and down his cock when I suddenly stopped, got off him, got off the bed and went to my wardrobe. I put on a sexy, lacy, but full cup bra, sexy, but full panties and even my thigh highs.

He watched me getting dressed the whole time. His eyes never left me. Then I went and stood by the bed watching him. He just looked at me. I looked in my full length mirror at myself from all angles. Not bad I thought. Pretty fucking hot. But I am putting on weight again. Mmmm. Happenes every time I feel happy and content. Fuck it. So unfair. But last night in my dark red lacy bra, matching panties and black thigh high stockings, I looked HOT. I felt hot.

Now Rick was how i liekd him. Hot, bothered, over excited, and so fucking turned on. I swear I saw his cock swell up to twice its size. Hahaha. No, thats an exageration but it sure does seem to get harder when there are undies around.

I looked right at him and slid my right hand over my stomach and down inside my panties and I started to wank. A proper full on wank. I’d never wanked in front of him before but I had fucked myself briefly with a vibrator while he watched. But it was done jokingly. This was no joke. I slid my left hand inside my bra, cipped my right breast inside the bra cup and then pinched, squeezed and pulled my nipple.

I stood there legs slightly apart, knees slightly bent, head slightly back, mouth open and wanked inside my panties. I came so quickly it took me by surprise. A fairly hard orgasm that made my knees go weak and tremble, and made me gasp in deep retching gasps for breath but I didn’t cry out. I sort of made a long low moan. I only heard the last part of it but I sounded like a cow. So embaressing.

Rick was all over me now. Running his ahnds over my bra, my panties, my thigh highs, sliding his hands inside my panties, my bra and even my thigh highs.  But he was really turned on this time and was jittery and his ahnds kept jerking around. He kinda half led half dragged me to the bed and got me on my hands and knees and got behind me.

He pulled my panties to one side and guided his cock  into my cunt and then sort of bent over my cupping both bra clad breasts in his hands and fucked me doggy. And hard. He’d never fucked me this ahrd before. He was really going for it. Every now and then he’d let go of my tits, grab my hips, and just go ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh really, really fast.

It was great. I loved it. It was quick but it was great. We only seemed tog et started when he started to cum. He grabbed me and rolled me over (a bit roughly hahaha) onto my back and I sort of automatically came up trying to grab his cock thinking he wanted to come in my mouth. Its sort of automatic when a guy throws you on his back when hes about to come. They want to cum in your mouth.

But he pushed me back down and presssed his cock on my cunt and jerked off as he came all over my panties. I gotta admit last night that felt fucking good. Really good. I could feel the fabric of my panties pressed and rubbing on my clit and his big hard cock pushing behind the fabric and his cum puping and pulsing out of his cock against my clit and cunt coming right through the thin fabric of my panties.  When he finished cumming he rubbed his cum all over my pantiesand it was so fucking nice feeling the tip of his cock through my panties all over my cunt.

When he finished i slid my hand onto my cunt to replace his cock the instant it withdrew. I was just fooling around wanting to prolong that wonderful feeling when i just started to spontaneously wanka gain. Hahaha. I’ve never liked wet panties on me but I dunno, last night it felt so good rubbing against them forcing them onto my clit and my cunt.

I slid my ahnd inside my wet panties and rubbed my clit for a while then I had this idea. I took my panties right off, screwed them up into a ball and rubbed them on my lcit. Hoo boy. Oh yeah. Oh God it felt good. I had completely forgotten about Rick and I just wanked like a madwoman.

I rubbed my panties up and down my clit with my right hand and finger fucked my cunt hole with my left hand using one, then two, then tree fingers. I got so wet, my cunt juices started running down my thighs and back to my asshole. I slid a finger in my asshole and finger fucked my asshole for a while, then back to my cunthole and but one finger never seemed enough in my cunthole.  Then I settled into my thumb in my cunthole, my index finger in my asshole and rubbing my clit like crazy. I came like that. I came hard and moaned and groaned and thrashed around.

I ened up flat on my back feeling completely drained and more than a little embaressed to have let myself go so completely in front of Rick. I wasnt sure he was ready for it. When I opened my eyes though he was kneeling above me wanking furiously with his cock pointed right at my left tit. Well right at my left bra cup which contained my left tit. Hahaha

So no need to worry baout my little ad hoc exhibition then. Hahaha. He groaned so loudly when he came. Like he was in really bad pain. Then he came on my bra. A big goopy, thick, dollop of cum. Right on the middle of my bra cup. I thought fuck, thats gonna stain.  Then he started rubbing it all over my bra and I thought oh fuck yeah that IS gonna stain.

But… we seem to be getting it on sexually. Finsding our balance. Our momentum. Our something.  I’m starting to think that his fetish is worth it to have a nice boyfriend like him and that I am starting to enjoy it too.

I dont know what my experiment proved apart from he finds me a helluva lot more fuckable in undies than out of them.  I’m hoping he still feels the same way if I do put on some weight. Hoping the panties will still get him going no matter whats in them.  God I hate getting fat. It so unfair. Its like my body throws a switch. The Fat Switch. Ah, shes happy, cant have that. Throw the Fat Switch, quick.

But later that night well straight after he came actually I went into the bathroom to wash out my bra and panties before the cum had set. I was more worried about my bra because they a re expensive and its so hard to find a comfortable one and even ahrder to find a comfortable sexy one.

So I was standing at the wash basin wearing just my thigh high stocking completely absorbed in rinsing the cum from my bra before it set when Rick came up behind me. I felt his cock first nudging my ass check, then sliding into the crack of my ass, as his chest pressed on my back and his hands circled me to cup both breasts.  His cock wasnt hard it was still in the process of going down and was probably half hard. It felt thick and heavy resting in the crack of my ass.

He was talking to me murmuring in my ear but I wasnt listening. I was rinsing my bra, filling the basin, swishing it around, emptying the basin, running it under the tap and so on when I felt Rick’s right hand leave my tit, take hold of his cock and guide it into my cunt using his chest to make me bend over slightly.

I felt his cock slide into my super wet pussy, just lside in so effortlessly and then felt his knuckles on the cheeks of my ass as his cock reached the end of its travel. He started  fucking me from behind as I watched myself  in the mirror getting fucked. It was interesting. The way my tits jerked each time he thrust his cock into me.

My bra and panties looked fine so I gave them a final rinse as Ricks cock was sliding in and out fo me and refilled the basin to let them soak. It felt odd in a delicious way to eb doing something like that, like rinsing clothes, while I was getting fucked. Hahaha. It made me giggle and Rick answered my giggle by ramming his cock in and up so hard I instinctively leapt to my tippy toes.

I thought this is interesting. No bra and panties but then I saw him staring at my bra and panties soaking in the basin and I thought hes remembering the way he came on them. Or something. I leaned over further until I was bent double over the handbasin, resting my arms on it, and I spread my legs wider, he moved in closer when I did that and his cock went in deeper so I moved my legs even further apart, leaned voer a bit more and felt his cock go in ever deeper.

We fucked for a while and then Rick reached into the basin, took my panties and squeezed them in his hand. I watched water run out of his hand squeezed from the panties and then he put them to my mouth. I thought ???? but as he did this I felt his half-hard cock go rock-hard inside my cunt and go in a bit deeper so I let him go. He gently pressed my panties against my lips and I was still wondering what the fuck????

When it came to me. I opened my mouth and he pushed my panties into my mouth gently so I had them in my mouth but they were half hanging out. I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought fuck me if that doesnt look so fucking erotic.  A woman with her wet panties hanging out of her mouth.  It got to rick too becasue he was really fucking me hard and fast and deep now.

He kept pushing his body forward trying to get under me and trying to ram his cock even deeper into my cunt and all the time watching me in the mirror.

I was fascinated by my image in the mirror too. It looked so fucking erotic. So different. So fucking subliime.  I loved getting fucked like this. So unexpected. So fucking spontaneous. So fucking hot. And so fucking energetic.

I watched my reflection and I bared my teeth and screwed my face up into a snarl. Like some wild fierce, angry animal. Then Rick went crazy when he saw that. He grabbed my hips and pulled me back onto him then grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down onto him and all the time he thrust his body under and up me forcing his cock into me so deeplyt hat it hurt, it really hurt and I yelled out but he probbaly thought it was ectsacy  he just  ignored it and kept ramming his cock as deep as he could into me. His body was sort of almsot under mine now and he was just pushing up and up and his cock seemed to just keep going in deeper and deeper.

Then he relaxed or almost collapsed really. He staggered backwards and he was done. His cock had one drop of clear looking cum oozing out of his cock hole and I was surprised he had any left at all. I dropped to my knees and sucked his cock. Oh God it felt good. My nipples were tingling, my cunt was aching a bit, well not my cunt, somewhere up inside me, but was still feeling happy. A bit of cum oozed out of his cock into my mouth but it had no taste.

His cock felt so good. Most me simply dont understand how much I love sucking cock. It felt so good in my mouth now. He was a bit reluctant and backed away a bit but I just followed. His cum had no taste but my cunt juices were very potent on his cock. Not smelly. I can never smell or taste my cunt juices (unless they are off hahaha) but there was this musty fruity sort of taste on Ricks cock then.

I sucked his cock for a while but that was going nowhere. He’d already came three times tonight and thats a bit of a record for any man. hahaha  But I sucked it for a while because a half hard cock is so nice to suck. Mmmm.  They are sort of big and heavy but not rigid so you can do so much more with them. But I was tired and I needed to lie down.

But it was a good night.  A pleasant evening with Rick followed by some excellent fucking and kinky play. Yes, things are working out quite well with Rick. I’m just worried I am gonna put on weight now and he’ll go off me.

What I Think About During Sex

Monday, January 18th, 2010

I saw this question as a poll on some site and it really got me thinking. Thinking about what other people think about during sex and also what I think about during sex. Its such an automatic process thinking that I am never really aware of what I am thinking and never think twice about it afterwards. Things just come to me during sex, into my mind. unbidden, uncontrollable. Images and ideas. hahaha

When I am having a good solid fuck like when a guy is really pounding me, I nearly always think about his cock inside me. I imagine his cock, big and hard, moving inside my cunt, forcing my cunt walls apart as it drives in all the way. I picture his cock in side my cunt with my cunt wrapped tightly around it and my cunt moving apart to make way for it.

When I am sucking a guys cock I am usually trying to picture in my mind what I look like while I’m doing it. Unless I am doing it in front of a mirror in which case I simply watch. Hahaha. I like to visualize things. I like to know what I look like when I do things.  I like to imagine what my face looks like with his cock in my mouth, just sucking the ehad of his cock and with his cock right down my throat.

When a guy (or gal hahaha) is going down on me  at first I don’t think about anything. I can usually see them doing this and I am happy with watching his head bobbing up and down although sometimes I imagine what his tongue looks like licking my clit. But when he gets going and I am getting close to orgasm, my brain shuts down. I think of nothing. My mind is a complete blank.

That is when the sex is good but when it is lousy or just not inspiring, I tend to fantasise. My most common fantasy when a guy is fucking me and its lousy is to imagine I am being fucked by someone who has fucked me before, who is a really good fuck.  I close my eyes and try to ignore any physical sensations that would give away my fantasy. Hairy belly, bad breath etc and force an image of my imaginary lover into my mind.

Its usually Brian or Mark. They were the best fucks of my life. Once the fantasy takes hold I tend to get turned on. I start to get into the sex more, thrusting my hips, grabbing him, urging him on although in my mind it is Brian or Mark I am urging on, neither of whom actually needed any urging. hahaha

But sometimes thats not enough. Some guys are so lame, even replacing them with a good lover in my mind is not enough or its just not possible because they are so bad they are so difficult to force out of my consciousness.

When that happens I either end it quickly or I get very creative. If its really bad and I really dont like the guy I end it quickly. Its usually very easy. I just stick my finger up their ass, which acts like a cum switch for a lot of guys, and thrust my hips and say things like “Oh GOd yes, your so good, oh fuck me fuck me. God, I’ve enver been fucked like this” and that strikes to the very heart of the machismo and they usually crank it up several notches and cum very quickly.

But sometimes, and this is so UNFAIR, when I do this the guy gets so excited I actually start to enjoy it but … once you go down the “Cum Quick” road there is no turning back. hahaha. I HAVE tried. Hahaha

When the guy and the sex  is really bad I let my imagination go wild. Give it free reign.  I never just lie there wishing it was over. Waiting. I just can’t do that. Shit sometimes it can go on forever. No. No I either end it or spice it up.

Once this guy was fucking me doggy and he reminded me of a pig.  He was a bit fat, like overweight, not disgustingly fat, but he had a very noticable pot belly and i could feel it on my back and the top of my ass while he was fucking me. But the thing that made me think of a pig was that he was snorting like a pig. Like have you ever heard pigs snorting as they root around for food. He was making that noise while he was fucking me.

And we had been fucking for ages. He’d had a bit to drink and when guys do they either cant get it up or they cant cum. Dunno which is worse. Hahaha

So ther we were. Me on my hands and knees, out of ideas, I’d tried Brian and Mark but no go. Neither of them ever snorted like a pig and neither of them draped a fat belly over my back and let me take most of their weight while they were fucking me doggy.

But his snorting gave me this very clear image of a pig. A big, fat, pink boar.  With really big ears. And I got this sudden, also very clear thought that I was actually being fucked by this big, fat, big eared, pink pig.

These images, unbidden and uncontrollable flashed into my mind and ran like a film. I was naked at a pig sty and fell over in the mud.  I tried to get to my feet but only got as far as my hands and knees when this big, fat, big eared, pink pig mounted me from behind.  Before I knew it I had this huge,  pink, piggy cock in my cunt and it was fucking me hard and deep. I felt this heavy piggy weight on my back and heard this piggy snorting.  The weight on my back and the snorting were in both my reality and my fantasy simultaneously and this made it all so  real.

And the good thing about a fantasy like this is that logic has no place in it. There is no question of what I was doing naked in a pig sty. Wahtever happens simply happens. There is no need to explain or justify anything. Nor to amke sense of it.

The idea of consciously deciding to have sex with a pig is just so disgusting and perverted that you wouldn’t even consider it. Not even me. Hahaha. But just being mounted like that, virtually raped by a pig, totally takes away any accountability for the act and makes it OK. Its all on the pig. Not me. Bad pig!

On another level being fucked by a pig (or any animal) is just so fucking TABOO, so forbidden, so perverted, so disgusting that it drives me totally fucking wild.

I rolled out from under Pig-Boy and shoved him down onto his back. I straddled him and got on top and rode him like a demented cowgirl, gripping his man-boobs tightly to stop from falling off and ended up having a great fuck. But it took the fantasy of being fucked by a real pig to get there. 

So sometimes I fantasise during sex. But generally only during bad sex. Good sex and great sex really leaves me no room to think. I find I am fully occupied with what I am doing on every level – physical and mentally.

But the worse the sex is the more intense and bizarre the fantasies become. And the guy usually unwittingly unleases the fantasy. The snorting guy the pig, the panting guy the dog,  the super-sensitive guy the woman…and so on.

The pig was the most bizarre but I always found it weird to be fantasizing about a woman while a man was fucking me. But he was just so fucking annoyingly “sensitive”.  More than even any woman I’ve fucked.

Here are some of my other fantasies from bad sex:

I am 14 and being fucked by my fathers best friend
I am being fucked by my best girlfriends boyfriend
I am being fucked by a football team and they are all standing around me watching.
I am fucking my boss for a promotion or pay rise.
I am a CIA agent fucking a terrorist for information
This guy is paying me $25,000 to let him fuck me.
This guy has a knife and will kill me if I dont let him fuck me
He told me he just got outta gaol after 10 years of being fucked up the ass by the brothers
He is gay and I am converting him to hetero
It is a robot not a man and I am testing it to see how well it fucks.
I am being fucked by a woman with a strapon cock.
I am being fucked by an animal
I am being fucked by an alien
I am being raped.
I offered myself because he was going to rape my boyfriend up the ass while I watched.
I am being raped and my boyfriend is tied up forced to watch us.
We are  being filmed and broadcast all over the internet

So there it is. But I never find my mind wandering from sex like the stereotype of the bored wife looking at the ceiling during sex and thinking how it needs painting.  No. I always seem to focus on sex in some way and unconsciously try to spice things up. And it usually works, but the worse the sex is the more bizarre and intense the fantasy needs to be.

I am watching my wire to see what other people think about during sex. I do hope SOMEONE says something !!

 

Please people. Share !

I Hate Christmas

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

I dread Christmas. I hate it. I hate this time of year. The crowds of happy and not so happy people everywhere I go. It’s like a counterpoint to my own lonely and miserable life. I have no family, no close friends. Not really. I do have friends but I am not close to them. I can usually endure Christmas if I have a boyfriend, but this year, no boyfriend, so it was agony for me.

I can vaguely remember Christmas as a little girl. Being amazed and entranced by the pretty lights and decorations, the gifts, the one time of the year when everyone seemed to forget their troubles and acted happy even if they were not.

But like everything else in my childhood, the gloss soon wore off.  It became simply another event in the year to be endured like birthdays, thanksgiving, halloween. It’s like when you have something  terrible going on in your life it overwhelms everything else and becomes the core and focus of your entire existence. Nothing else matters and nothing else even registers with you. It was like … Christmas? So what? Christmas never changed anything.  I knew it would be back to normal as soon as it was over.

My Father abused me starting when I was about 10. Perhaps earlier. It wasn’t a sudden thing. It began in increments. Slowly advancing and increasing until it became full on sex. But it was so gradual that I cannot put an exact date on its commencement.

It’s over now. It’s in the past. I know. Get over it, girlfriend. Move on. I get it.   I know I can’t change the past.

It’s not that Christmas triggers painful memories of tragic events. No, it simply reminds me that I do not have and have never had, the things that most people take for granted. The love of a Father and Mother, the closeness of family. Simple happy times with people that you care about and who care about you. I never had that. I don’t know that.

It just sort of reminds me that I missed out on something and the abuse is more like a backdrop to the emptiness of my life. A backdrop? A foundation? An underscore even? Hahaha.

If I have a boyfriend at Christmas and it’s kind fo serious I attach myself to him desperately. Hoping he will invite me to spend Christmas with his family. If he has one. If he doesn’t thats cool too. Even better. I dont have to be alone and I don’t have to fake the whole Christmas bonhomie, spirit of goodwill thing.

I know its pathetic. I always buy lots of presents so I have spare presents for the Uncles, Aunts, Cousins and Nephew, unknown to me that might show up. I act like a regular little Santa’s Elf or something. I get into the spirit of Christmas like some fanatical maniac. I hug and I kiss strangers and mouth meaningless and unfelt insinceres sentiments.

But not this year. No I spent it alone. Alone and miserable and waiting for it all to pass and the world to get back to normal. It’s one extreme or the other. My friends all have families but I never go there. That would be too painful. I have tried it and it was awful. Unbearable.

A bunch of strangers and a guy I am fucking is bearable but friends and family are not.

So now there is just New Year to get through but thats not too bad. So many people like to get off their face on New Years Eve and go crazy and I am one of them.  I always get utterly and completely shitfaced and generally fuck anyone that is available.  I troll the bars and clubs until I find one that has the right vibe and then I go into the toilet and take my panties off and go get shitfaced and take on any comers. Hahaha.

Sounds bad I know but it’s a case of whatever gets you through it.