Archive for August, 2009

About Being an Exhibitionist

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

I first noticed boys (and men) looking at me like REALLY looking at me when I was about 13 when I got my tits. Hahaha. It was the tits that made the difference. Up until I was totally ignored by boys and men. But siddenly they were looking at me different. Tits made all the difference. I waited so long, so long for my tits to appear and when they did they grew agonizingly slowly. I used to check them every day twice a day looking for signs of growth. When they finally grew to a decent size I was so embaressed I kept them hidden and wouldnt let anyone see I had grown a pair of tits.

So ridiculous. I couldn’t even tell my Mother I needed a bra now. Too embaressed. I wore cardigans and jackets to keep them covered but finally summer came and I had to tell Mum. Soooo embaressing. Thankfully I didn’t have to tell her about my periods. She simply gave me a pack of tampons and told me to keep them with me at all times for when I needed them.

The boys at school were first to notice my tits and to start looking at me different. Teenage boys just GAPE at tits. they just stare openly as if they can’t help it. It made me feel funny, kinda excited but also embaressed and shy. But att hat stage I didn’t like boys. They were all such idiots.  Showing off and acting like idiots.

The first MAN to ntoice me was a guy called Slash. Hey Slash if your reading this you old perv. hahaha. Slash was a friend of my Fathers and they worked together. He was younger than my Dad and kinda hot. He often came home wiht Dad from work and had dinner with us and him and Dad would sit and drink and talk after dinner and watch baseball together. I never knew his real name. Everyone just called him Slash. I don’t even know why.

After a while I began to relax about having tits and wearing t shirts and stuff that showed I had tits.  I thought Slash ahd been paying me a bit more attention than normal and one day I came out in a t shirt and shorts and Slash GAPEd at me the same way the boys at school did. Just stared at my tits. I lvoed it. The feeling when he stared at my tits. He was always careful not to let my Mum or Dad see him looking though.

I will never forget this night. The first time I felt the fingertips on my breasts. I was going to bed and ben tover to kiss Dad goodnight and I felt it. I looked up and saw Slash sitting over beside Dad staring at me. My pyjama top had fallen down as I leaned over to kiss Dad and I FELT his eyes on my tits. I felt them just like gossamer fingertips reaching down over the top of my pyjama top, down between my breasts that were hanging down unrestricted by a bra. I felt them move between my breasts, down the valley between my breasts and back up over my nipples.

When I bent over my pyjama top had gaped open and I am pretty sure my tits were fully exposed if he looked straight down my top as I was leaning over. I certainly FELT his eyes on my tits and my nipples.

I wanked when I went to bed and had one of my few orgasms from wanking at that age.

After that I deliberately wore tops that exposed my tits when I leaned over and when the opportunity presented I would bend over and let Slash see my tits. Flash the Slash I used to call it. I loved it. It made me feel like a WOMAN that a grown man was interested in looking at my tits. He used to STARE. It got me so fucking excited and turned on even though I wasn’t really sure what these feelings meant at the time.

The other thing I realised was the power I now had over Slash. When I said somethign now he would answer me. Talk to em like an adult. Oh yeah. Things were different between me and the Slash now.

I was alwyas super careful not to let Mum or Dad see down my top or to let them see what I was doing. I am pretty sure Slash never knew I was doing it deliberately.  Slash never tried anything and all he ever did was look. But at the time that was all I wanted. I can understand Slash looking. My tits were great then. Big and round and heavy and perfect. Your tits hit their prime when your a teenager. Then its downhill all the way from there. Hahaha.

My pyjamas were a pair of daggy shorts and a buttom down shirt in summer and long pants in winter. Very UNSEXY. But the tops always gaped open when I leaned over. Nothing else I wore did that so I only flashed the Slash when I was in my pyjamas. My school uniform blouse buttoned right up and was too close fitting to gape when I leaned over.

Next came the boys at school. My best friend Kelly used to actually flash her tits at them but I was never game to do that. She’d slide her bra down so it was under her tits and untuck her blouse and just lift her blouse up and flash em. Hahaha. The boys loved it. They used to yell “Flash em Kelly” and Kelly loved it. Kelly was the Wild Child of our little group.

I used to undo a button on my blouse and lean forward so the guy sitting at the desk beside me could get a sidelong view of my bra. They were always gaga over just the sight of a bra. I spose they knew there was a tit inside it but still. I mean you could see a bra on a clothesline or in a shop and I didn’t get why it was such a big deal to them. I loved it though. I lvoed watching them lean this way and that to get a better look.

Kelly used to lvoe being out in the open about it (like her tits were hahaha) but it was more exciting for me for it to be “accidental”. Unintentional.

I had a friend Peter then, a guy that wasn’t a boyfriend just a friend, a study friend really. I was hopeless at maths and he used to help me with it. We’d go into my room to study and do homework together and I used to let him sneak a peek down my top.  Sometimes when I was feeling really reckless I wouldn’t wear a bra and I’d wear a button down shirt and when he wasn’t looking I’d undo a button and let him get a side view. I used to practice in the mirror so I’d know which button to undo and so I could see how much tit he was seeing.

He used to go crazy trying to act cool and not let on he could see my tit. He could only see one and only from side on through the gape in my blouse where the button was open but he sure used to GAPE. He was a nice guy, a bit of a nerd but very smart.  I used to sit there with most of my tit on display trying hard to concentrate on my schoolwork knowing he was staring at my tit. I used to feel his eyes on my tit like little gossamer fingers stroking my tit.

We played this “game” for months. Him trying hard to be cool and not let on he could see my tit and me doing the same trying hard to act unaware I knew my tits was on display and that he was staring at it.  Sometimes he’d put a book on his lap and I finally realsied that he would get an erection just from looking at a side on view of part of my tit. Just one tit and not even all of it. But guys then would get an erection at the slightest provocation and sometimes for no apparent reason at all.

Harris was the first guy to actually see my tits. He was my boyfriend and all we’d ever done was kissing. He was at my place one saturday afternoon and we decided to go to the movies.  I used to play the same game with him and I wasn’t wearing a bra and told him I just needed to change my top and check with Mum and we coould go. So I told him he’d have to leave my room while I chanegd my top. I really needed to just put  a bra on though. Hahaha.  So Harris says “Aww, do I have to, what stand in the hallway? I promise not to look.” And i got all excited at the idea of taking my top off in the same room as a boy.

I made him promise and swear not to look but I knew he would. I just KNEW it. So I turned my back to him and got out a bra and a different blouse and froze for a moment. Just stood there trembling with excitement and fear.  Then wiht my back to him across the room I took off my blouse and again I just stood there. I could feel his eyes running up and down my naked back.

He was supposed to be looking away but I could feel his eyes on me. Then I did it. I turned around and let him see me topless and I said “Hey, your not supposed to be looking”  but he couldn’t speak. His mouth gaped open and his eyes went really wide and he just STARED. Now i really felt his eyes on my tits. Like hands gripping my tits and squeezing them. I closed my eyes and we just stood there facing each other across the room, me topless, tits out on display, firm and proud and him open mouthed and staring.

I turned away after a moment and casually put on my bra and blouse and cooly walked to the door. That afternoon at the movies he tried to touch my tits and I let him feel my tits through my blouse and bra. Not inside.

It was my first inkling of just how much power a girl had over a guy. They would do anything to see your tits and tocuh them.

But I never got the same thrill when I was topless. It was laways much more exciting when it was “accidental”.

After that I guess I got more preoccupied with sex and actually getting fucked than my exhibitionism. I got really curious about boys cocks and sex itself and what sucking a cock and getitng fucked really felt like and I explored all this with several boys while I was at school.

I never focussed on my exhibitionism again until i started working at a hamburger joint flipping burgers. One afternoon I bent over the counter to serve a customer, a guy, and I noticed hiims taring down my top when I bent over and it reminded me of Slash and my “accidental” flashing at school. So it was Game On again. I used to look at myself n the mirror and chack how mych tits was visible in different blouses and especially my work shirt when I leaned over at different angles. I tried it with different bras and with NO bra hahaha.

We had these little order books to write down the orders and then tear it off and put it on a clip where the kitchen staff would take it from in turn. Most of the girls stood up and wrote the orders but when a hot guy or a guy that looked like a “target” came in I’d put it on the counter to write the order and lean over while I was writing it. It was such fun. I found if I pulled my shirt  down right at the bottom near my belt when I leaned over the top of my shirt would gape open nicely allowing a good view down inside my shirt and usually letting them see both my tits. I only went to work a few times with no bra and that was the biggest but scariest thrill of all.

Letting them see my whole tits, nipple and all.  When a guy saw my nipple those little imaginary gossamer fingertips really sent electric shocks through me. It was so fucking exciting. But I was always worried about stupid stuff. Like the guy saying something. Or even reporting me for not wearing a bra. Stupid. Nobody ever said anything. They just looked.

I still do this now. Still check in front of the mirror to see how much tit is on display when I lean over. I still love it. I lean over guys desks at work and let them look down my top. I still feel the gossamer fingertips as their eyes move over my tits.

Theres a married guy at work, an ofder guy around 50 whose super respectable and he’s my favourite “target” he gets the stutters when I elan voer his desk. Its always so innocent and I’m certain he has no idea I know that he can see my tits and absolutely no fucking idea that I’m doing it on purpose. I’ve been doing this for so long now that I can be Super Cool and talk normally and act normally while I know a guy can see my tits down my blouse.

This guy, Ken, (Hey Ken) has seen all of my tits. I’ve given him the downblouse treatment many times with no bra and I’ve felt his eyes on my nipples and all over my tits. Its so sweet the way he stammers and stutters when he’s looking at my tits.

I’m absolutely positive noone at work has the slightest idea that I do it deliberately. I dress very conservatively at work and always act very, very proper. I’m actually a very conservative person at work. I learned work and play don’t mix (another blog entry there) and I never get involved with anyone from work. Never joke around and never gossip.

I’ve had five ULTIMATE exhibitionist experiences.

The first was the Pizza boy when I was about 20. One of my best friends Vicky told me how once she ordered a pizza delivery and forgot about it and was int he shower when the guy came and she had to answer the door in her bath robe. that gave me an idea. I ordered a pizza then after 10 minutes  turned the shower on and waited naked. When I heard the knock I dashed into the shower to get wet, wrapped a bath robe around me loosely and opened the door.

He was very young and pimply faced and he stared at me in my robe with  wet hair and looking all harassed and with wet hair. I went to get money out of my purse and deliberately dropped my purse and bent over to pick it up letting the raobe fall open. It opened up completely and he saw me full frontal completely naked and wet fromt he shower. He just gaped at me. Just fucking STARED.  He saw everything. A full frontal. teh robe just opened fully and was around my sides wiht the front completely open.

I pretended not to notice (hahaha how could I NOT) and took my time picking up my purse. I casually closed the robe and smiled at him and we swapped pizza and money. I had to slam the door in his face and then slid down the inside of my door and had a wank right there on the floor leaning against the door. Fantastic.

The second one was at a course work sent me on. It was three full days and was as boring as all shit. The guy running the course  was a real pain in the ass.  He stood out in front while we all sat there bored shitless all fucking day long. On the final day I decided to flash him. I didn’t wear panties and sat in the front row with my legs crossed.  Every time he looked at me I uncrossed and re crossed my legs flashing my cunt at him. It took four times before he noticed. He froze and stared. I dont think he could believe what he saw and it was all voer as quick as a flash.

He carried on and the next time he looked at me he looked a bit longer and I crossed and uncrossed my legs as slowly as I dared. I’d never flashed my cunt before and I could feel his eyes on my cunt, on my clit and my cunt lips like those gossamer fingertips.  He lost it. He mumbled and stiumbled and lost his place. I did him another three times but then got cold feet and was worried he knew I was doing it deliberately. I almost ran outta there when it was over but what a fuckin blast it was.

The third time was really crazy. I had this little apartment with a tiny balcony. Just big enough for a sun lounge and every saturday morning I’d lie out there in my bikini and sunbake trying to brown up. One morning I noticed this guy in the balcony above and to the right of mine watching me. but hiding behind his pot plants. The balconies were so small a lot of people just filled them wiht pot plants.

I lay there in my bikini and could feel his eyes all over my body. I was a bit fat then and felt a bit uneasy but after a few mornings I began to relax and figured he liked what he was seing even if I was a bit everweight at the time. Not that abd just a bit soft and podgy.

This went on for months and he was there every Saturday morning without fail. Always trying to hide behind his pot plants.  And every time we did it I got gamer. I got briefer and briefer bikinis until I was almost naked. Then one morning I wondered if he was up there wanking while he was wathcing me and the thought of that was so fucking exciting I took my top off and lay there topless just fucking trembling with excitement.

After that I always went topless. I loved the feeling of his eyes on my tits.  I loved the idea that he  might be wanking while he watched me from up there hiding behind his pot plants.  I wanted so abd to go completely anked but was scared he’d know I knew he was there and was doing it on purpose.

Then one morning I lay on my stomach and pulled my bikini bottoms down thinking it would look like I just wanted to tan my lily white ass.  It was SO fucking exciting. Feeling his eyes on my naked ass. I got so turned on and after an hour of agonizing over whether I should or shouldn’t I rolled over and pulled my bikini bottoms right off. Now I was completely naked and my fully exposed cunt was pointing straight at him.

After that I always went out there naked. Sometimes I’d just walk out naked and sometimes I ‘d tease and go out in my bikini and then take off my top and then my bottoms. Sometimes I’d get so turned on I’d have to go inside and have  a wank. He was always there when I came back. I’s always see the pot plant leaves  rustling.

I’d lie there and put my legs up, legs down, legs apart, legs together, on my back, on my stomach, facing towards him, away from him. I mixed it up.

But fromt he first time I went inside to have a wank I knew I really wanted to wank out there wiht him watching me. It took me weeks before I could summon the courage to do that and when I did it was so natural. My ahnd just strayed to my clit and I started gently rubbing it.  I knew he was watching and I slid my finger  into my wet cunt hole and finally rubbed my clit until I came wiht him watching.

After that I always wanked out there knowing he was watching me. I fucking LOVED it. It was the ULTIMATE exhibitioist experience. I knew he was wanking. I just KNEW it. I used to imagine him wanking and spurting his cum onto the balcony beside his pot plants and into his pot plants.

It was a SUBLIME experience yet one very few women or people would understand. Only another exhibitioist could.

Then one day he never appeared and that was that. He musta moved out or died. I never even knew who he was. How old he was or anything.

The fourth was when I fucked this guy on a park bench one night. What a blast. I straddled him and went crazy riding him like a drunken cowgirl. It was dark and noone could really see us but there were people moving about coming and going and if anyone ahd headed our way they woulda seen us.

I got off him though and led hiim by the hand behind some bushes becasue i wanted to get completely naked in that park.  I took off all my clothes and lay down on my back legs wide apart and told him to fuck me. He did. He crazy-fucked me, hammering and pounding away and grunting like an animal the hole time. All three minutes of it. Then I felt really crazy and ran around the park naked. He wouldnt even take his pants off. I got his shirt off before we fucked on the ground but he was too shit scared to get naked and he was frantic when I started runing round the park naked. I felt so fucking FREE. So fucking liberated. The cool night air on my naked skin. The thought that I might run into someone. A few people saw me and did a double take but nobody really took any interest.

The fifth time was a bit scary but a hell of a blast.  I was out wiht some friends and this guy I was going out with and we were all so wasted. I was so fucking out of it.  We went back to this girls place and we were talking about sex and stuff and he dared me to suck him off in front of everyone.  Everyone laughed including me and I fell into a fit of giggles which I often do when I’m really embaressed.

There was me and Ross (my guy), Alice and her boyfriend and Karen and Tony. Three couples. Ross kept saying chickenshit, come on Mary and then everyone was chanting Mary, Mary, Mary. And well … hahaha… I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t so wated so I said “Well, get it out then” and that slowed Ross down. He smiled but looked uncertain, then everyone started “Ross, Ross, Ross.” And finally he undid his zip and took his cock out.

It wasnt even hard. I laughed and giggled and now they were chanting “Mary, Mary, Mary”. I don’t think they thought I’d do it. I didn’t know either. I just wanted to see if he would get his cock out, go that far.  I thought if he did I might. If he didn’t well that’s that.

Ross was sitting on the couch so I got down on the floor between his legs and took his cock in my hand. They all gathered round and watched closely and I closed my eyes and took the head of his cock in my mouth and sucked it gently. Suddenly they were all silent and the whole aprtment went quiet. I couldnt hear any noise at all just the distant rumble of traffic.

Karen said “Oh my God” and Alices boyfriend (Dont remember his name) said “holy shit” and I felt Ross’s cock get hard in my mouth.  Alice and Karen seemed more interested then the guys and they both got really clsoe to me as I moved my mouth up and down Ross’s cock.  Alice kept licking her lips.  Ross looked a bit stricken and kept darting his head around looking at everyone in turn.

I felt pretty cool and just kept sucking away. I was too wasted to really get a sense of what I was feeling. I felt kinda detached. As if it wasn’t me. Its really ahrd to recall details and what I was feeling at the time.  I knew I was sucking a cock in front of a group of people and that it was a blast but thats about it. Pity I hadn’t been a bit more with it to really get  handle on it.

But I do remember Ross not being comfortable wiht it all and a few times trying to push me away and finally losing his erection and that was that. Afterwards everyone was a bit subdued and I remember Alice saying “Fuck me I can’t believe you did that” and then we got back into party mode and that was that.

Tony called me a few days later and told me he’d love me to suck his cock the way I sucked ross’s that night but I told him to fuck off because he was Karen’s girlfriend and anyway he amde me feel like some kinda slut.

Its a real pity I dont remember more of that night. Bbut I never looked at anyone really closely while I was doing it and I should have. Remembering their faces while they watched me sucking Ross’s cock would be a real blast.

My untimate exhibitionist  fantasy  would be to fuck a guy in front of an audience. I mean like on stage or something with them all seated like at the movies watching me. Watching me sucking a cock, getting fucked in every hole out in the open in front of them all.  Oh God yeah. That would be so fucking extreme.

Maybe one day.

About Me

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

I’m 27, work in an office doing menial shit but it pays the bills and could be a lot worse. I’m an exhibitionist. I love to expose my body and talk about sex but never get the chance to really talk about it. I lack confidence. I struggle with my weight. Its a never ending battle and don’t usually bother unless I have some powerful motivation like getting involved with a guy I really like. My weight holds me back in real life. I need a few drinks to get naked with a guy. hahaha. Sad but true.

I love to fuck. To get right into it and really let go. To go crazy.  But I rarely do. It takes a special kinda guy to get me to cut loose. I’ve known a few and I’m going to tell all in here. Every detail. What I felt and thought as well as what I did and what was done to me.

I think I’ve got an OK face, nice legs, good tits, but a fat ass, fat gut and dimply thighs. But guys do look at me. when a guy I like looks at me I feel it. It makes me act differently. If I sense he wants me, as in wants to FUCK me, I get more confident and it must be obvious to them.

I love to read and am actually a bit of a read-aholic. Always reading something. Popular fiction, crime stories, biographies. Anything really. I lvoe music and its always playing at home. Anything from heavy metal to the classics. I love movies, going to the movies or just watching a DVD at home. I like going out for drinks and dinner with friends or a guy, cruising antique shops but rarely buying. hahaha.

Friends are really important to me and I have three very close friends and we are really tight. But they don’t really know the REAL me. I don’t think it would matter to them but it would to me. I’d never want them to know just how crazy I really am.

If I had more confidence in myself and my body I think i’d be the town slut. Hahaha. True. I love to fuck. But my lack of confidence hold me back. Still, I do OK. hahaha.

I’m single and have only ahd one real long term relationship. A guy I went out with for 5 years and lived together for most of that time. I loved him dearly but it all turned to shit. he cheated on me then I cheated on him to pay him back and I finally realised I wasn’t ebing myself with him and never could be.

I’d like to meet a guy I could really relax with and just be myself. A guy I could let see me get angry and frustrated and be weak and girly, to fart in front of and to yell “fuck me fuck me” with gay abandon. I don’t care what he does or what he looks like so long as he wasn’t grotesquely UGLY.

I had a pretty normal upbringing, normal parents, normal, normal, normal.  No major dramas or anything. Normal education but dropped outta college and then did a secretarial course to get me off the checkouts and hamburger flipping routine and into an office and decent work and decent pay.

Why I’m Here

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

I thought people might be interested in why I am on AOSpace and why I am doing this. It’s simple really. I’m a showoff. An exhibitionist. I love the feeling i get when men look at me. Look at my body. It turns me on and always has. Ever since I grew tits I knew the power women have over men. It’s heady and intoxicating. It makes me feel so powerful. 

I feel mens eyes on me as a physical sensation like little gossamer soft fingertips caressing my body as their eyes move over me.

I also love the idea of telling all, revealing my innermost secrets, fantasies and experiences. Sharing my intimate experiences, the things I’ve done and the things I’d love to do. Exposing myself piritually as well as sexually and physically.

Its a cerebral and visceral experience to expose yourself.  The ultimate freedom to just let go and say whats on your mind and what you are REALLY feeling.

I love men looking at me. I love to fuck. To get fucked. It feels so fucking LIBERATING and EXCITING to say that, to put it out there for all the world to know. I love to get down on my hands and knees like a bitch-dog and have some guy pounding into me from behind, grabbing my tits as they bounce around and my hair and just fucking hammering into my cunt.

 But out in the real world I feel contrained. By fear of what men will think of me.  (sex crazed slut)  By lack of self confidence in my body. I struggle with my weight. Normally I carry a few extra pounds and feel so insecure. But when I am with a guy I really like I knuckle down, run, hot the exercise bike like a demon, watch what I eat and I slim down till I’m a lean, mean fucking machine.

But I’m lazy and weak and unless I got a strong reason for all that work I guess I’m just a slob.

So on here or IN here or whatever its anything goes. I’m not going to hold back.  I’ve been dying to spill my guts and bare my soul for so long but have never been able to. Now I can. In here. On this website and I don’t care if anyone recognisses me. fuck it. So what? I’ll just say it isn’t me or maybe admit it is. I dunno. Cross that brisge when I come to it. 

The good thing about being a nobody is noone is likely to recognise me anyway. Its nont like I’m Paris Hilton or anything. Hahaha.

Hello world!

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

Welcome to Adults Only Space. Have fun! Invite your adult friends!